Iveliz Explains It All

Note: These pages contain the poems “Real Friends Joke Around,” “Mimi’s Letters,” “Open Conversations,” “Question I’ll Never Ask Mami,” “Feelings Notepad—Thursday,” “Real Feelings Journal—Thursday,” and “Online to IRL?”

Iveliz wants more friends, so she sends Akiko a link to a silly YouTube video, and Akiko jokingly calls her a “crazy girl” with “anger issues.” Iveliz is unsettled, but she replies with lighthearted emojis. She’s trying to create a “normal friendship.”

At the kitchen table, Mimi reads the romantic letters from Grandpa Nuni. Once a week, she reads them, so she doesn’t forget them. Iveliz speculates about Mimi’s condition, wondering if Mimi knows she forgets things. Iveliz romanticizes forgetting. If someone offered her “permanent memory loss,” she’d take it.

Dr. Turnip wants Iveliz and Mimi to talk, but Iveliz reiterates her family’s reticent character. However, Iveliz is curious if Mami would have wanted her to die instead of her father. In the feelings notepad, Iveliz claims she is excited about becoming friends with Akiko. Her true feelings involve almost apologizing to Amir. She didn’t because she didn’t want to explain or listen. She doesn’t even know who she is right now.

Akiko finishes MAP (Measures of Academic Progress) testing early, so she messages the still-suspended Iveliz from her computer. She calls Iveliz “Liz” and claims she was once in a situation similar to Iveliz. She plans to turn Iveliz into her “project.” Iveliz is ecstatic after Akiko refers to her as “my friend.”

Note: These poems include the pages “Mami Sits Me Down,” “Feelings Notepad—Friday,” “Real Feelings Journal—Friday,” “Mami Drives Me to Akiko’s,” “No es no,” “Mami Doesn’t Insult Me,” “Real Feelings Journal—Saturday,” “On Sunday I Garden,” “When Amir Video Calls,” and “We Don’t Really Apologize.”

On the couch, Mami cries. She doesn’t know what she did wrong, but if Dad were still alive, he’d know what to do. Iveliz doesn’t want to hear more about how she’s “disappointed” her mother, so she runs to her room. In her feelings notepad, Iveliz says she felt “sleepy” on Friday but still had a “good day.” Her true feelings involve Mami. When Iveliz’s father died, Mami “fell apart,” and people let her. With Iveliz, people forced her to go to school and take meds. Iveliz wishes children could be sad the same way people let adults be sad.

Mami drives Iveliz to Akiko’s house. Mami must work, so Mimi will be alone, but Mami isn’t worried. Mimi will watch the Spanish-language variety show Sábado Gigante, and Mami locks the front door so Mimi can’t escape.

At Akiko’s house, Akiko plucks Iveliz’s eyebrows and straightens her hair. Akiko and her mother label Iveliz “pretty,” but Iveliz isn’t sure if she wants to be “pretty.” Mami gasps at Iveliz’s new look, and Mimi criticizes it, but Iveliz thinks it makes her look like the type of girl who excels in school and doesn’t hit people. Iveliz isn’t ashamed of who she is, but she feels lost.

Wearing a hoodie, Iveliz calls Amir. After she reveals her face, he quips, “New day, new you,” (192) which makes Iveliz feel better. There’s no apology, but they discuss homework and gossip— they “move on.”

Note: These pages contain the poems “Real Feelings Journal—Sunday,” “This Morning,” “Akiko and I, an Acrostic,” “It’s Hard to Know What I Feel,” “Feelings Notepad—Monday,” “Real Feelings Journal—Monday,” “Dr. Turnip Reads My Feelings Notepad,” “Turnip Watches Me,” “Frozen,” and “I Try, Though.”

After dinner, Dad appears. He touches Iveliz’s hair and mumbles about letting her grow. Iveliz senses disapproval and runs to the bathroom, where she undoes Akiko’s makeover. In the morning, Mami nearly spits out her coffee. Iveliz texts Akiko with a selfie, telling Akiko, in Spanish, to leave her alone. Text bubbles appear, but Akiko never sends a reply. Iveliz doesn’t know how she feels about Akiko or herself, but in the notepad, she claims she’s “peaceful.”

On video chat, Iveliz tells Amir she doesn’t want to make new friends. Amir says it’s helpful to think about what friends get from each other and what they give each other. Iveliz wonders if Amir is alluding to his friendship with her. Maybe he’s not “happy” with its direction.

Dr. Turnip reads Iveliz’s notepad and wonders if anything else happened to her. Iveliz’s father reappears, so she shrugs and cries. Dr. Turnip pronounces Iveliz’s name correctly. He tells her she’s not alone. People are here to help her, but she must let them. Iveliz remains skeptical. She feels bonded to a “black nothingness.” Dr. Turnip tells her she can “fall” and express all of her feelings—there are no “expectations.” Subverting her rule, Iveliz confides in Dr. Turnip, asking him why she must stay together while other people can come apart.

Note: These pages contain the poems “Failures,” “Would You Take Medicine for Your Alzheimer’s,” “Medicine, an Acrostic,” “How Is Amir’s Brother?” “How I Could Start My Call to Amir,” and “I Don’t Call Him, Of Course.”

Iveliz asks Mimi in Spanish if she would take medicine for her Alzheimer’s disease, and Mimi says she would if it existed. Iveliz wonders why people have no trouble taking medicine for colds or headaches, but when someone takes medicine for “sadness,” it causes a dispute. Iveliz contrasts Mimi with Mami. Mami supports Iveliz’s medicine and therapy, but she doesn’t show affection. Mimi shows affection, but she criticizes therapy and medicine.

After dinner, Mami asks about Amir’s little brother, which is how Iveliz discovers he’s in the hospital again. Iveliz thinks of what she could say to Amir, but she crosses out her ideas. He’ll know she’s only calling because she found out about his brother.