How to Say Babylon: A Memoir

When Shari visits Safiya and Ife in the United States, she also decides to cut off her dreadlocks. This is Shari’s first time in the United States. Esther was granted a 10-year visa to the United States; traveling there often, Esther left Shari alone with Howard. This has hardened Shari and matured her. Shari does not want to tell her sisters about home.

While Safiya learns that the Old Poet has died, she feels nothing. Safiya also receives an email from one of Howard’s female friends, Mama Lee. In the email, Mama Lee reveals that she is legally married to Howard; they have a son and grandson named Djani, after Howard’s Rastafari name. Mama Lee asks Safiya to reconnect her with Esther, hoping to begin an email correspondence. Safiya is furious, but when she tells Esther, it turns out Esther already knows about Mama Lee but is furious that Mama Lee would contact Safiya.

Soon after, Esther cuts off her own dreadlocks. She feels free in America for the first time. Safiya graduates from Bennington College while Esther, Ife, and Sweet P look on happily. Esther returns to Jamaica and surprises Howard with her hair. She tells him that she used to love him, but that the love is gone. The email from Mama Lee has broken the control he had over her. She moves into her daughters’ old room and blocks the door so Howard cannot enter. She ignores him as he yells for her.

The next morning, Howard stalks around in the yard brooding with a machete. As he chops things with the blade, he realizes that his firstborn—Safiya—is the cause of all his suffering.

After not getting a job in her field of study in the United States, Safiya moves back to Jamaica. She gets a job at St. James teaching, and Howard drives her to work. Lij has dropped out of college and is teaching English, too.

Safiya applies for MFA programs in the United States and is accepted to several. When she tells Howard, he is not excited and instead accuses her of leaving him like everyone else has.

One night, Safiya, Shari, and Howard are on edge. The Sinclairs have been told they will need to vacate the home soon. Safiya cannot help with the move since she works full-time, leaving Howard to pack up the house without Esther. He gets more and more frustrated with Safiya’s lack of help. Safiya and Howard start arguing, and Safiya tells him that no one likes him. This enrages Howard, who punches Safiya in the face. She falls to the floor. Shari runs to the bathroom to call for help while Howard looms over Safiya.

Howard leaves, which gives time for Safiya to grab a kitchen knife and call Esther in the United States. She tells her mother that she is going to kill her father. Esther is frantic. Safiya then hears Shari screaming from the bathroom that Safiya must run because Howard has a machete and is threatening to kill Safiya for what she said.

Safiya calls the police and then runs next door to the landlady. Just then, the police arrive. Howard comes outside without his machete and calmly talks to the police officers, explaining that Safiya is lying about the attack. Safiya points out that she is bleeding, but Howard explains it away as a swat. As Lij pulls up in a taxi, the police officer leaves, telling Safiya how to press charges.

Lij angrily approaches Howard, yelling at him for attacking Safiya and constantly picking on the girls. Lij tells Safiya and Shari to get their belongings so they can come stay with him.

Safiya has a recurring nightmare about her father trying to kill her. She now lives in Charlottesville, Virginia, where she attends the University of Virginia’s MFA program. Howard frequently calls her, and she always ignores the call.

Safiya tries to make sense of being a Black woman in the United States and how to reckon with the University of Virginia’s history of enslaved people. She tries to work on her memoir, but her advisor suggests she take a break from it because she doesn’t have enough distance from the assault. She continues to struggle with her nightmares and feels out of place in the United States.

Lij and his girlfriend have a baby girl, which heals their relationship, which fractured after Howard’s physical attack. Safiya eventually picks up one of Howard’s phone calls. Howard eventually takes responsibility for what he did. He claims that all he has in the world are his children and repeatedly calls her Budgie, her childhood nickname.

Safiya returns to Jamaica to see her niece Cataleya. Lij tells her that Cataleya will get to choose if she wants to be Rastafari because he saw what his sisters went through growing up. Safiya is enchanted by her niece and feels like meeting her is worth all the pain she experienced.

In Jamaica, Safiya stays with her father and is surprised by his appearance. He has begun smoking marijuana and has put all of his children’s trophies on his dresser right next to his portrait of Haile Selassie. While Safiya is touched by the gesture, she realizes she can only be free when she is away from Howard.

The night before she returns to the United States, she goes to see her father perform. He sings some songs from his time in Japan, which makes Safiya excited and nostalgic. The two look at each other, and Safiya realizes that if the circumstances were different and she had felt accepted, maybe she would have been able to be Rasta for her whole life. There will always be a small part of her that is Rasta, which allows her to take on Babylon with strength and bravery.

In 2018, Safiya feels ready to tell the story of her childhood. She returns to Jamaica to read from her debut poetry collection at the 2018 Calabash Literary Festival. Howard and Lij are going to attend her reading, hearing her read her work for the first time. Before the reading, they look through photo albums and reminisce. Safiya realizes she can use these photos for her memoir. Howard admits to Safiya that he wishes he hadn’t been so hard on his daughters.

Safiya performs to a packed crowd, with Howard and Lij in the second row. To give her strength, they each make the Sign of the Power of the Trinity. She ends her reading with a poem for her father. After the reading, Howard tells her he is both listening and hearing her. The rest of the night, Howard stays near Safiya, proudly claiming her as his daughter.

Later that night, Safiya walks on the beach alone, thinking about her mother and the generations of women who came before her. She imagines how their difficult life journeys made room for hers. She finally feels hopeful and excited about the future and the freedom she sees in it.