Go Carolina

Nonfiction | Essay / Speech | Adult | Published in 2000

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Communication and Self-Expression

From the outset of the essay, David’s perceived struggles with communication (or more accurately, the inability to communicate in the expected manner) are evident. Sedaris reflects on the pressure he felt as a young child to conform to his school’s linguistic expectations. David’s experiences with speech therapy added to the pressure because he felt chastised for being unable to properly pronounce an “s” sound. However, he’d always been able to communicate and be easily understood, so instead of trying to change (or “be cured” of his sibilant lisp), he changed his entire vocabulary to avoid using any words with the “s” sound.

Although David received praise for his superior vocabulary, the idea of changing his ingrained speech patterns to evade confrontation or criticism shows the extent of his desire to not be called out or pressured to fit in. He sought any means possible to avoid saying the letter “s.” The question was how he could truly express himself through this new way of speaking. If communication is the key to self-expression, then Sedaris is highlighting the impact of communication on self-identification and personal identity. The new David used large words and expanded his lexicon, but this wasn’t the real David.

Furthermore, upon hearing himself speaking in a recording and being utterly embarrassed and ashamed of the sound of his voice, he declared to his mother that he was taking a vow of silence. This humorous scene makes it clear that he won’t actually go through with it, but the underlying sentiment remains: He’d rather not speak than hear his own voice again. This relates directly to his realizing the underlying message that his manner of speaking wasn’t socially acceptable and he’d always be at a disadvantage if he didn’t conform to societal expectations.

As David navigated his new linguistic world, he didn’t really conform—the lisp never disappeared. Instead he showed his true individualism. His expression was still present, yet it was uniquely modified so that the lisp disappeared only because he omitted the letter that revealed it from his vernacular. At the end of the essay, Sedaris points out that no amount of speech therapy will change him or the way he speaks. The lisp is a unique quality of his expression and important to his identity, so it remains. Thus, David’s instinct as a child to retain parts of his identity that made him unique continued to find affirmation in his life as an adult.

Feeling Like an Outsider

Sedaris describes how as a kid he felt unequivocally like the outsider socially, different from the masses. In the initial scene with Agent Samson, David was the only one called to leave the classroom; he was singled out for an unspecified reason. As he met the agent, David further showed his difference when, as a 10-year-old boy, he commented on her “dung-colored blazer […], red knit turtleneck” (1), and low heels. His comments on her attire are considered atypical of a boy in elementary school. As the essay continues, Sedaris indicates that he was likewise an outsider regarding sports. He notes that he didn’t enjoy sports, specifically college basketball or football, which he saw as an essential sign of “manhood” in the South. There, Sedaris says, one can “turn up [one’s] nose at the president or Coke or even God” (1), but if a boy dislike sports, he’ll be called names or worse. He was different, but to divert attention from this, when asked about what team or player he liked best, he adapted and conformed with whoever was asking by swiftly agreeing with their choice of team or player.

David’s lisp highlighted his difference from others and his separation. The difference in his speech intensified his status as an outsider; he sounded different and, therefore, was different. He was outside the circles of “normalcy,” looking in, seeing his difference and his place on the edges.

Ideas of similarity and difference are important to having a sense of belonging. Some cultural theorists propose that social categories contribute to shaping people’s sense of identity, how they want others to perceive them, and which social groups they choose to associate with. Human nature drives people to want to belong to a group and to a social category, yet being an outsider impedes making the social connections and developing the meaningful relationships so essential to human development. Sedaris related to the other boys receiving speech therapy, but he felt generally separated and “othered” by his teacher and most of the other students. His differences alienated him from his peers, classmates, and society; the only place he didn’t feel like an outsider was at home, where everyone had a flaw and humor was the antecedent to all problems. By the end of the essay, Sedaris notes that even after speech therapy ended, he was still treated (and felt) like an outsider, yet he prevailed: Samson was gone, and the lisp remained. In fact, he proudly maintained the lisp into adulthood, though he has tried to abandon the compulsion to use words that conceal it (words without the “s” sound).

Concealing One’s True Identity to Conform

As a 10-year-old child in the fifth grade, David was like any kid at that age: The desire to fit in and the pressure to conform was immense. However, as a young male who felt early tendencies toward a gay sexual orientation and who grew up in the conservative South, hiding those feelings was crucially important. From the outset, David hid his identity. Even though he wanted to be making collages and discussing which man he’d like to date, he likely felt that he never would, because he knew that being gay in the South led to name calling and much worse. Consequently, David conformed to societal expectations, like identifying a “favorite” football or sports team, usually by simply nodding in agreement with the preference of the person asking him about it. He conformed when Agent Samson questioned him about whether he liked State or Carolina better. Unbeknownst to him, it was a trick to get him to say “State,” revealing the lisp, but because he desperately felt the need to conform and hide his lack of interest in sports, David answered and thus fell into Samson’s trap, exposing the lisp. Had he not felt the need to conform, he may have made an effort to avoid the agony of speech therapy altogether.

The only place that David didn’t feel the need to conform was at home. Throughout the essay, Sedaris mentions that he confided in his mother. First, he complained about Agent Samson’s ulterior motives and his perception of her having an unhealthy love of her own name; however, David’s mother simply tells him that Samson isn’t that bad and is just trying to do her job. Later in the essay, Sedaris explains how his family didn’t notice his “lazy tongue” and he didn’t hide it because at home, everyone had something that was lazy: His mother had a lazy mind, his father had a lazy index finger, and his sisters had lazy eyes. The apparent absence of pressure to conform in the Sedaris household was a saving grace for David. He complained yet again to his mother about the situation at school, and she again demurred and told him to not be so dramatic.

As a young gay male with a lisp, David felt societal pressure to be the stereotypical guy and fit in to what society wanted a man to be. He constantly concealed who he truly was, like the other boys in speech therapy. They felt that they must look and act like everyone who loves State football and reads Boys Life lest they be socially ostracized or targeted for their burgeoning gay sexual orientation. This behavior is entirely understandable in the context of the time and their location. Throughout the essay, Sedaris describes having to decide whether to conform or stay authentic. Although he did change his vocabulary, he never abandoned his truth.