Genesis Begins Again

Genesis decides that she is going to perform at the talent show, even though she knows she will get into much bigger trouble. She writes a note for her dad before she goes to school explaining what she is doing and why. She leaves the note along with her list of things she hates about herself on the kitchen table and hopes that he will come to the show.

At the show, Genesis nervously watches the other acts as she waits to perform. Nia performs an original song, and she is so mesmerizing that the audience gives her a standing ovation. Yvette’s group goes next, and as Genesis expected, they are fantastic.

Troy goes on after Yvette’s group. Instead of his usual classical performance, he begins to play Sam Smith’s “Stay With Me” on his violin. Genesis and the audience are breathless as he performs. When he finishes, the crowd cheers the loudest they have all night.

It is finally Genesis’s turn to perform. As she walks onstage, she conjures up all of the voices that have tried to put her down and hold her back. She remembers every word and is determined to sing for every girl who has ever felt like she does.

She begins to sing a medley of Ella Fitzgerald, Etta James, and Billie Holiday songs. As she closes her eyes and sings, she is no longer afraid. After she belts her last note, she is amazed to hear thunderous applause from the audience. When she walks back offstage, Nia and Troy rush to hug her, ecstatic.

As the last act finishes, they announce the winners. Genesis is so happy for Nia when they announce that she won third place. In second place is Yvette’s group, to Genesis’s disappointment. Finally, they announce the winner: Troy. Genesis is overjoyed for him.

In the foyer, Genesis suddenly notices Mama, her list clutched in her shaking hand. There is “sorrow, guilt, and joy in her glassy eyes” (351). Mama hugs her tightly and tells her that she is so proud of her. Mama tells Genesis that she read her letter and that her dad showed up, but he wasn’t in the best shape and left right after she performed. Mrs. Hill finds Genesis and tells Mama that her daughter has a gift. She tells Genesis to keep the Etta James CD as a gift.

Genesis wakes up in the middle of the night to the sound of her dad crying. He is slumped against a cardboard box in the living room. She turns to go, but he asks her to stay. He tells her that he has gone to an AA meeting, but Mama doesn’t believe him anymore. Genesis doesn’t want to stay, and she doesn’t want to feel sorry for him, but she stays anyway.

Her dad wipes tears from his cheeks and tells her that he was amazed when he saw her perform. He says he selfishly thought to himself how she looks and sounds just like him up there on that stage. Genesis wants to be happy, but she is angry. She asks him how he could say that to her now, after he always insisted that she was nothing like him. She says that he made her hate herself for looking like him.

Genesis is crying, but her dad makes her look at him. He tells her that he said those things to her before because he didn’t want her to look or act like him. He says he never talks about his family because his mama always told him that she wished it was him who died, not Charlie. Charlie was her “pretty little boy,” and Emory was her “never-gon’-amount-to-nothin’-like-yo’-black-nappy-headed-triflin’-daddy” (356). Genesis’s dad says that when he drinks, he can forget his mama’s voice. He tells Genesis that what he told her the other night on the porch was what his mama said to him, and it was all he could think to say.

Genesis suddenly understands why Mama always wants to protect her dad. Now she does too. She sits down next to him and him that she didn’t win the talent show, but he says she did in his eyes. She tells him that she is like him and that she made a mess of everything. She understands why he drinks to drown out the voices because she does things she shouldn’t to drown out the voices and make herself beautiful. Her dad starts crying.

As they sit quietly together, Genesis tells him that he is not alone.

Genesis is grounded and confined to her room. Mama knocks on her door before coming in, Genesis’s list in her hand. She asks if Genesis wants it back, then asks if she really believes everything on there, pointing specifically to #70: “She can’t stand being this black” (361). Genesis thinks about her conversation with her dad last night and realizes that everyone—Billie, Etta, Ella, Mama, Dad, Grandma, and even the girls who bullied her—is hurting, including her. She added to her pain by adding on to this list.

She thinks about all the pain Mama must have felt growing up with Grandma’s traditions, then dealing with her dad. She asks Mama if she regrets marrying her dad. Mama is shocked by how out-of-the-blue the question is, but she tells Genesis that she married for love and that she never cared how dark Emory was. She knew her parents were mad, but she loves who she loves, and maybe it is time to start forgiving those she loves.

Genesis looks at #70 again and realizes that, even though she told herself she wanted to lighten her skin for her dad, to look like Mama, she really wanted it for herself. She asked her dad on the porch that night why he hates her, but she never thought to ask why she hates herself. She is tired of caring what everyone else thinks of her and decides that she is done with the list. She tears the paper up into so many pieces it looks like confetti.

Mama asks if she wants to start another list, one that lists what she loves about herself. Genesis says it’s a good idea, but the list was never her idea to begin with. She wants to figure out what she likes about herself and do it in her own way. She tells Mama she wants to start all over and “begin again” (363).

Mama says that she loves that idea. Genesis tells her in her saddest voice that she’d like to begin again, but she can’t because her punishment is keeping her from starting anything new. She and Mama both burst out laughing. Genesis decides that she likes that she’s funny, and she can’t wait to discover what else she likes.