Gender Queer: A Memoir

An aromantic is somebody who either experiences no romantic attraction, little romantic attraction, or romantic attraction under very specific circumstances. Aromantics may seek sexual partners without wanting romance. Often, aromantic people feel that romance is indistinguishable from friendship, much like Kobabe does when Autumn describes what a relationship would entail. As a result, many aromantic people opt out of romantic pursuits. 

An asexual is somebody who either experiences no sexual attraction, little sexual attraction, or sexual attraction under very specific circumstances. An asexual person can still pursue romantic partners without seeking sex. Asexual people can still have sex drives and fantasies like Kobabe does, but they don’t necessarily need or want to engage sexually with others to satisfy their desires.

An allosexual is somebody who experiences sexual attraction toward others. The term is used to describe the opposite of asexuality. Allosexuals are people who tend to actively seek out sexual partners or feel the need for one for fulfillment. 

A binder is a piece of clothing made of reinforced and compressing fabrics designed to flatten one’s breasts. Binders are mostly worn by people who feel dysphoric about their breasts.

A cisgender person is comfortable in the gender they are assigned at birth. Often abbreviated as “cis,” being cisgender does not preclude being gender nonconforming. For example, Kobabe’s mother is not stereotypically feminine (she does not shave or wear makeup), but she still identifies as and comfortably navigates the world as a woman. The term is used as the opposite of “transgender.”

Often shortened to “fanfic,” fanfiction is fan-created fiction that uses characters, settings, and worlds from popular works of art and franchises. Fanfiction authors may reimagine the storyline of a popular book or create a crossover to have their favorite characters from two television shows interact. Fanfiction is popular with the LGBTQ+ community, as shown in Kobabe’s queer-straight alliance turning into a Lord of the Rings fan group where the members trade fanfiction.

Fanfiction culture is full of jargon, much of which appears in Gender Queer. Some terms used include “doujinshi,” a Japanese word that roughly means “fan magazine” and often signifies erotic, fan-made manga and comics; “OTP,” or “one true pairing,” a pairing of characters that somebody likes more than any other pairing; “ship,” short for “relationship,” referring to characters who are placed into romantic or erotic relationships in fan-made works; and “slash,” a term for ships that are LGBTQ+.

Gender dysphoria is the experience of being uncomfortable with one’s externally perceived gender and the way one’s body is gendered. Gender dysphoria can be triggered by many things, like the kind of clothing one is expected to wear or the effects of puberty on the body. This term is the opposite of gender euphoria, which is the joy experienced in affirming one’s gender. For example, Kobabe feels gender euphoria when shopping for masculine underwear.

To be genderqueer is to have a gender that falls outside of the gender binary of man and woman. This term is often synonymous with nonbinary.

Nonbinary people feel that their gender doesn’t fit within the gender binary of man and woman. Nonbinary people experience their gender in different ways and may feel like they have a fluid identity between male and female, have qualities of both, or feel as if they have no gender in the first place. Nonbinary is a broad umbrella term, often placed under the broader transgender umbrella, to denote gender identities and presentations that cannot neatly fit within the binary.

Passing is used by trans people—binary and nonbinary—to describe when society views a trans person the way they want to be perceived. For example, a trans woman who appears as a cis woman to people in her life would be said to “pass.” Passing has a complex history within the transgender community, and many aspire to pass to experience gender euphoria or to protect themselves from anti-trans violence.

“Queer” is an umbrella term for the entire LGBTQ+ community. It is an intentionally vague term that encapsulates all LGBTQ+ identities without putting strict lines between identities within the community. It is a reclaimed slur and, as such, should be used with caution.

Spivak pronouns date back to the late 19th century and have a long, rich history as gender-neutral alternatives to English pronouns in English. The specific set Kobabe uses (e/em/eir) was used by Michael Spivak in his 1983 software manual, The Joy of TEX. These pronouns caught on after video game developers left the pronouns in an early online game as a joke.

Top surgery is a gender-affirming procedure that permanently removes one’s breast tissue for a masculinizing effect on the chest.