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Shame connects many themes in the novel. Women are ashamed of pregnancy and sex in this story. Once a female character has sex, she is looked upon as used goods that “could not be returned to the manufacturer” (254). Gabi’s mother wonders how Cindy’s mom will show her face in public again, despite sharing the experience of being an unmarried mother. The shame of pregnancy and sex goes beyond the individual participants and extends to their families as well. Cindy’s pregnancy is the subject of rumors when the school year begins, but she would rather face the shame of teen pregnancy than the shame of rape. It takes Cindy until after her son is born to tell her closest friends the circumstances of her pregnancy, demonstrating the extent of the shame she’s carried for the duration of the story.
Pregnancy is shamed as a product of sex. Gabi’s mother instills shame around sex in hopes that Gabi will avoid shame for herself and her family. Martin’s father, however, offers a contrast to the perspective that people should be ashamed of sex, focusing instead on the moral responsibility that it be consensual and respectful (255).
Shame around sex extends to shame around the female body. Gabi highlights this in her zine, drawing attention to derogatory nicknames and expectations of the female body that instill shame. The female body is broken into pieces such as breast size and hair length, each piece then analyzed to make a judgement about whether a girl is good or bad. In this way, Gabi’s zine captures the essence of the novel’s title; Gabi’s diary puts together the various pieces that make her a unique young woman.
Gabi frequently encounters and comments upon hypocrisy and double standards in her daily life. She is confused at her mother’s reaction to Cindy’s pregnancy, concluding, “I would have thought that because I was born a bastard child, she would show more sympathy—that she would know how it feels to have your parents react so irrationally” (20). The hypocrisy and shame surrounding sex creates confusion for Gabi, and she turns to her diary as a safe place to explore her questions about what is right and wrong regarding sexual interest and experiences.
Gabi often points out the double standards in the way she and Beto are treated at home and insists that Beto is the favorite child (42). At school, Beto is failing P.E., yet Gabi is “labeled the irresponsible and lazy one” (55). Beto is also allowed to stay out later than Gabi and their mom only tells him to take condoms, whereas she insists upon the necessity that Gabi remain a virgin. Gabi is expected to be a virgin until marriage, yet she is herself a child born outside of marriage. Gabi’s mom doesn’t notice the hypocrisy in her own expectations of her daughter.
Gabi demonstrates her own hypocrisy when she resorts to violence. In the final lines of her zine, Gabi writes, “If words are our weapons, we must ask ourselves, why should we use rocks / and sticks when we have tanks available?” (202). Gabi urges readers of her zine to recognize the power of words over weapons, yet Gabi herself slaps Georgina and attacks German instead of communicating through words. Gabi understands the strength of words, but she is still on her journey towards empowering her crafted words over outbursts.
Writing is Gabi’s emotional outlet and a critical way by which readers see her grow as a character. Gabi’s interest in poetry class becomes a passion for written expression, and her writing becomes a key part of her identity by the end of the story. Throughout this evolution, Gabi adjusts her writing both to explore new techniques and to express herself. Her first act of writing that readers see is the opening diary entry on July 24, a concise account of her name’s origin. From there, Gabi experiments with a simple haiku poem expressing her heartache when her crush dates someone else. She explores letter writing as a form of expressing her pain, frustration, hope, and heartbreak over her father’s addiction and death, eventually sharing her emotions around her father with Martin through poetry. Gabi’s struggles to write poetry immediately following her father’s death parallel the emotionally frozen state she’s in when she can’t imagine getting out of bed again (155). Although Gabi continues writing in her diary, her poetry temporarily reverts to simple haikus (161). Gabi undergoes extensive challenges throughout her final year of high school, and her writing reflects both her growth and the toll of her emotional strain. Her zine is the climax of her development as a writer in the story, embracing and bringing together ideas of identity, sexuality, and independence. Although the income from her zine sales is only enough to buy a few of her favorite snacks, being a published author having sold her work to an audience brings Gabi into the realm of the female writers she is drawn to throughout the year, solidifying her identity among women she admires.