Forgive Me, Leonard Peacock

As Herr Silverman says goodbye to everyone in Leonard’s class, Leonard considers his teacher’s kindness: “There have been days when Herr Silverman was the only person to look me in the eye” (114). Leonard asks Herr Silverman if someone could use a Nazi gun for good. Herr Silverman says yes, and Leonard nervously offers his teacher a gift. It is his grandfather’s military award from World War II, a Bronze Star. Leonard expresses his gratitude for Herr Silverman’s teaching. Herr Silverman asks the significance of this particular day and whether Leonard based his hypothetical question in class on the truth. 

Herr Silverman suggests that Leonard’s behavior communicates a crisis. Leonard, using a casual tone and writing on his desk, tries to assuage his teacher’s fears. Herr Silverman reminds Leonard to write letters to himself from the future. In a footnote, Leonard reveals that he wrote these letters at Herr Silverman’s request, though he denies writing them now. 

Leonard summons the courage to ask Herr Silverman why he doesn’t expose his arms. Herr Silverman says, “You write those letters from the future and I’ll tell you why I never roll up my sleeves” (119). Herr Silverman attempts to return the present, but Leonard urges him to keep the Bronze Star for 24 hours.

Herr Silverman gives Leonard his personal number and tells him to use it if he thinks about suicide. He promises to tell Leonard why he doesn’t roll up his sleeves if Leonard calls him. He repeatedly urges Leonard to write the letters from the future to improve his perspective on the present. As planned, Leonard avoids Mrs. Shanahan’s office to give away his last gift. 

Seven years prior, Leonard and Asher were best friends. Leonard gives Asher a paper inscribed with a question mark at his bowling birthday party. Although their peers are confused, Leonard looks forward to revealing his gift. That weekend, he surprises Asher with a trip to Atlantic City for a Green Day concert, with Leonard’s dad acting as chauffeur.

Leonard’s dad begins to drink heavily before taking them to the concert at a casino, where they sit in the front row. Leonard loves watching his friend enjoy the music. Leonard’s dad approaches them after the show, and Leonard knows he is drunk because he responds, “All-right, all-rye” (126), to all his son’s comments. Later, Leonard’s father leaves the boys in their hotel room so he can gamble. Asher and Leonard explore the casino and make mischief. Leonard reflects on the euphoria kids can feel, whereas adults seem to have lost their capacity for true joy. 

A girl at the train station once handed Leonard a Christian tract after one of his trips to Philadelphia. Leonard introduces himself to Lauren Rose, whose beauty he compares to that of classic Hollywood actress Lauren Bacall. Leonard attempts to flirt like Humphrey Bogart but feels uneasy about Lauren’s message of hellfire and salvation. People ignore her attempts to give them tracts. She becomes excited when Leonard says he will read the tract and speak to her about it. 

The tract depicts two couples in a parked car and focuses on a Christian young man named Johnny. After a night of drinking and sexual activity, Johnny dies and goes to heaven. His friends suffer in hell because Johnny did not share Jesus’s message with them. 

Leonard approaches Lauren and, despite her focus on Jesus, pursues a romantic connection with her. Lauren explains the tract’s meaning. Leonard accepts her invitation to her father’s church. 

Leonard sits with Lauren and her mother in the front row and studies all elements of his first church service. Afterward, Lauren’s father asks Leonard to meet with him to speak about the Christian faith. Leonard joins Lauren for lunch, and Lauren asks him if he would like to become a Christian. 

Lauren’s boyfriend Jackson, a muscular blond, approaches and encourages Leonard to join their faith. Leonard, inspired by the tract, asks Jackson, “Do you enjoy parking?” (141). Lauren is shocked by his question. Leonard excuses himself and leaves. Lauren asks about his interest in Christianity, and Leonard replies that he doesn’t believe in God and wanted to date Lauren. Leonard continues his confession until Jackson arrives.

Leonard and Lauren avoid each other at the train station for a year, until Leonard sees a homeless man shouting at Lauren. Leonard sends the man away and pretends to introduce himself to Lauren for the first time. 

Lauren recalls Lauren’s rude comments at the church and avowed atheism. He insists he wants an open dialogue with her. Leonard learns that Lauren will not kiss anyone, including her boyfriend, until she is married. She agrees to speak with Leonard over coffee about their religious values. 

Leonard learns that Lauren has not been avoiding her, but that he has been evading her attempts to reconnect at the train station. He also learns that she and Jackson have broken up. Leonard asks her out, but Lauren refuses, because he isn’t a Christian. She tries to speak with him about his faith again. 

Leonard, feeling attracted to Lauren, blurts: “‘Leave it to me to fall in love with a Jesus freak,’ I said, and then laughed to make it seem as though I was only being playful and kidding” (151). Lauren answers that he doesn’t know her well enough to love her, and they sit in silence. 

Determined to kiss Lauren and not to lie about his beliefs, Leonard writes theological, cultural, and ethical questions to ask Lauren. He asks her these questions for months, but Lauren grows weary and gives rote responses. 

Leonard approaches Lauren in the train station one week before his birthday and asks her to pray for him. She accuses him of mocking her and her beliefs. Leonard says he would appreciate her prayers for perseverance. Lauren promises to pray for him daily, but Leonard’s thoughts of homicide and suicide continue regardless. 

On Leonard’s birthday, he approaches Lauren as she attempts to give out tracts in the train station. She notices his haircut and claims she has kept her promise to pray for him. 

Leonard rapidly tells Lauren about a possible connection between aliens and religion and about the science behind prayer. As Lauren continues telling passers-by “Jesus loves you” (161), Leonard asks her if they might have ended up together if he had come from a Christian family. Lauren tells him he can start living a Christian life now. 

Leonard claims God urged him to give Lauren a gift. Lauren, doubtful but intrigued, opens the silver cross necklace. Leonard claims an interest in Christianity after studying her example. He feels guilty for lying and that his actions that night might challenge Lauren’s faith. He cries, and Lauren embraces him. 

Leonard kisses Lauren. He examines the unexpected sensations as Lauren resists him. Lauren shrieks as Leonard continues, and she strikes him. A security guard approaches. Leonard tries to act casual and claims to love Lauren, who is confused and offended. 

Lauren leaves. The security guard sends Leonard away, and he replies with a sarcastic retort. Leonard departs and feels elation that he has delivered his presents so he can carry out his plan.