Finding Mañana

Ojito recalls her childhood in Cuba. Her parents had always known that they intended to leave the island; they were merely waiting for an official exit permit from the government. Ojito recalls her schoolmates’ families obtaining their exit permits. Eventually, Ojito’s family was left with few friends. Her parents recalled the pre-revolutionary days with a mixture of wistful nostalgia and bitterness, and they would tell her about a time when shampoo and conditioner still worked well enough to clean hair, appliances were widely available, and medicines were easy to find. After working extra hours, saving money, and a little ingenuity, Ojito’s father was finally able to purchase a Russian television set. Ojito recalls being thrilled.

In her fifth grade class, Ojito’s teacher asked if any of the students believed in God. She and one other boy raised their hands. Ojito knew that she had to walk a fine line in these situations. Her parents were opponents of the revolution and the poverty that it brought to the country, but they couldn’t be entirely open in their criticism: Castro’s authoritarian regime was quick to label its opponents as undesirable, and opposing him risked imprisonment or worse. Ojito’s parents did not lie about their intention to leave Cuba, but they did not discuss their political beliefs and frequently helped out with public projects and repairs in the neighborhood. For this reason, they were on good terms with their pro-revolutionary neighbors. After admitting to her faith, Ojito knew that she had made a mistake. School was a space in which children were instructed first and foremost in their identity as Cubans and beneficiaries of the revolution. Ojito had learned about the revolution before she learned multiplication.

Although Ojito was an excellent student, she struggled in school as a result of her lack of interest in political activities. Before middle school, she was able to obtain her student records and read with tears in her eyes the many entries, spanning years, from teachers who commented on both her academic ability and her troubling refusal to engage in activities that supported the revolutionary cause.

Ojito was not the only member of her family to face difficulties. Her parents were pressured to spend more time in their neighborhood’s revolutionary organization, and the climate of fear in Havana began to increase. Ojito was aware of political persecution, the suppression of dissidents, and the jail time and disappearances that awaited many who opposed Castro. Food shortages became increasingly common. When Jimmy Carter was elected president of the United States, Ojito remembers her father growing more hopeful: This man seemed willing to work with Castro. Ojito wondered if improved relations between the two countries might allow her family to finally escape Cuba.

Bernardo Benes arrived in Havana in 1978 for the first time since leaving in 1960. He had been a young lawyer intent on removing Castro from power by force. His return, however, was to be a peaceful mission. In the years since he’d left Cuba, he had become a prominent banker and a rising political star in Miami. There he had been approached by a group of Cubans wanting to talk to him about how to improve relations between the United States and Cuba. He was intrigued. As a young man, Benes had watched the events of the revolution unfold with a mixture of apprehension and excitement. When the violence finally ended (or so he thought), he grew especially enthusiastic about Castro’s promise of equality and democracy. That enthusiasm was shattered, however, when show trials for “counterrevolutionary elements” began. Benes realized that Castro’s government would not be democratic, but an authoritarian regime. He had left Cuba with little money and made a life for himself and his family in Miami, but he never forgot about his home country.

During the summer of 1977, Carter began a new round of negotiations with the Cuban government. His goal was human rights oriented and included the release of Cuban political prisoners. Castro’s motives were less clear. Although he wanted to see an end to the US embargo of his country, he also benefitted from the hostility between the two nations: His popularity depended in part on the way he was seen as Cuba’s defender against the powerful neighboring country. He also needed Soviet economic support and did not want to alienate the Soviet Union through too-friendly relations with the United States.

After his initial meeting with Castro, Benes would return many more times. After 20 years, Castro felt that the revolution was well established and became interested in cultivating better relations between the now very successful Cuban exile community in Miami and their relatives back in Cuba. The Carter administration, too, worked on improving relations during this period. When Castro finally agreed to the release of a group of political prisoners, both nations hailed it as a step in the right direction. Castro released thousands more political prisoners, but although most wanted to emigrate, the United States was slow to process visa requests. Still, this felt to many like a new era in Cuban-US relations. Thousands of exiles were allowed to return to Cuba to visit their families, and the atmosphere in the country was celebratory: In addition to seeing their exiled relatives, many Cubans received gifts of American goods and clothing from their families. People were smiling and well-dressed, many for the first time in years.

Ojito recalls a particular fondness for her uncle Oswald, who emigrated in 1971. He was only able to return to visit his family after eight years in exile. His week-long visit was an emotional time for the family. Everyone gathered to spend time with Oswald, although Ojito recalls the way that they all avoided sensitive political topics of conversation. Oswald and his family had settled in Hialeah, a predominantly Cuban city next to Miami that was a common destination for exiles. Contrary to what Ojito had been taught in school, she learned from Oswald that capitalism did not render everyone poor. Her uncle had a car, health insurance, and a job that he was free to choose or quit if he wanted to. He was allowed to grow his own food in a garden, which was prohibited in communist Cuba since all food grown belonged to the state, and he had much more freedom than he had in Cuba.

During the summer of 1979, Cuba was engaged in diplomatic conversations with the United States. Freed political prisoners roamed the streets, and Ojito was horrified at their tales of abuse while incarcerated. More than 100,000 Cuban Americans returned to visit their relatives, bringing $100 million in goods to the island. Reactions were mixed. Among those loyal to the regime, these gusanos, or worms (a common epithet for anti-Castro Cubans), were traitors. For those who wanted to leave Cuba, they inspired envy and longing.

Ojito turned 15, and although the family did not have enough money for a party, they gathered together and took photographs of Ojito in a beautiful dress. Not long after her birthday, her boyfriend told her that he was being sent to fight in Angola. Cuban soldiers, whose army was allied with the Soviet Union, would fight alongside the nation’s Marxist government. His mother, who up until that point had been a loyal supporter of the revolution, threw her framed portrait of Castro out into the street.

That year, Ojito spent a portion of her time at one of the schools in the countryside, where all Cuban students were sent to help out in the agricultural sector and to further develop their commitment to the revolutionary cause. Her 16^th birthday, celebrated at the end of her time in the countryside, was as lackluster as her 15^th, and she could tell that her father felt the sting of state-mandated poverty and political repression. She indicated her willingness to leave Cuba, and her family began their exit paperwork.