Erotic Stories for Punjabi Widows

“Twenty years ago, in her first and last attempt to be British, Kulwinder Kaur bought a bar of Yardley English Lavender Soap.”

Yardley, although available in India, was thought of as a quintessentially British product that exuded hygiene and aromas connected to British colonial identity. In her desire to fit in, Kulwinder bathed in this lavender soap; her effort is undermined, however, by a gassy belch caused by her consumption of a quintessentially Indian food before going to the school, the mango pickle. Kulwinder’s memory of this scene and its requisite aromas mark her much deeper and well-founded sense of British stereotypes and prejudices against people who look like her.

“[T]hese British born Indian girls who hollered publicly about women’s rights were such a self-indulgent lot. Didn’t they realize that they were only looking for trouble with that crass and demanding attitude?”

Kulwinder’s judgment of Nikki is both personal and tied into the theme of Inter-Generational Tension Among Immigrants. The vocabulary used (hollered, self-indulgent, crass) is vivid and paints a negative image of these first-generation British Indians. It is also a gendered critique because this behavior in public is considered especially egregious for women.

“What did Mindi see in this world that she didn’t? All of the women seemed to end up the same—weary and shuffling their feet.”

Remembering a time in her childhood when she crossed the invisible gender barriers that separated men from women in the gurdwara, Nikki bemoans the fact that her sister finds value in Sikh traditional culture where she does not. To Nikki, it is only a system that erases women’s individuality. It turns them old before their time. However, these are misconceptions that Nikki’s work with the widows will prove erroneous.

“‘Nonsense,’ Green Dupatta scoffed. Death is better than life if a girl doesn’t have her honour. Sometimes the younger generation needs this reminder.”

Nikki overhears this comment in the Langar, or temple community kitchen, which serves free food to all, even those not part of the community. The act is an important religious practice of the Sikh religion; however, the words spoken by the older female members of the community are not especially charitable. Green Dupatta agrees with the idea of honor killing, including its usefulness for keeping the younger female generation in line. (A dupatta is a scarf worn by Indian women to cover their hair.)

“‘Tell me, why haven’t I picked up English? Because of the English.’ She said this triumphantly. ‘They haven’t made their country or their customs friendly to me. Now their language is just as unfriendly with these Ahh-Oooh sounds.’”

Tarampal reacts here to Nikki’s shocked expression at realizing that these women who had been in England longer than she had been alive knew so very little of the language and culture. But Tarampal refuses to accept responsibility for her lack of English language ability, instead blaming the British people and language for being unfriendly. Although not a major theme of this novel, prejudice against Indian immigrants by British or Western society is sprinkled throughout the text.

“‘Why don’t you like Sheena’s story,’ Prettam asked. ‘I thought modern girls prided themselves on being open-minded.’

‘She doesn’t like it because she’s just like everybody else,’ Arvinder said. ‘All those people who say ‘Take no notice of those widows. Without their husbands. They’re irrelevant.’”

Nikki believes herself to be less judgmental than the older and more conservative generation of Sikh women. However, she is called out more than once in the novel (by the widows here, and later by her sister Mindi) for being equally judgmental, albeit by different standards. The women are also very aware of how society views them, including by self-proclaimed modern feminists like Nikki.

“Nobody eavesdrops on old lady chatter. To them it’s all one buzzing-noise. They think we’re discussing our knee pain and funeral plans.”

This quote uses a metaphor to describe the chatter of the older women—it is a buzzing noise, the kind an insect would make, annoying but ultimately ignorable. That metaphor exists because of stereotypes about older women that cast them as only ever complaining about pain and preparing for death. The women are aware of their social invisibility, and they take advantage of it by transgressing social norms and discussing their erotic stories in public.

“Arvinder stepped into a puddle of warm light, which gave her white garments a soft, yellowish appearance. She wasn’t a widow any more, but a lithe young woman hungering for affection.”

Arvinder has just accidently revealed to the other women, including her own daughter, that she cheated on her husband back in India. Nikki considers comforting her, but when she looks at Arvinder, she realizes that comforting is not needed. Rather than being a chastised older widow, Arvinder has become one of the heroines in the erotic stories the women have been writing, embodying the theme of Erotic Storytelling as Female Empowerment.

“Mindi probably didn’t know this, but Nikki had enjoyed dressing alike. She had been secretly sad when they won the war against Mum to let them be individuals.”

Nikki is an independent, modern woman who prides herself on not feeling compelled to follow female conventions such as choosing the right eyeliner to make a good impression on a possible future mother-in-law. However, Nikki’s hybrid identity also includes other important aspects. For example, as a child, Nikki did enjoy and appreciate certain traditions. Her absolute rejection of all such traditions today contributes to her sense of insecurity and aimlessness at the start of the novel.

“They knew how to speak English before they came here. We built Southall because we didn’t know how to be British.”

The modern versus traditional binary suggested early in the novel by Nikki’s attitude toward her sister and her dismissive “East West Mix” comments are proven too simplistic to describe the realities of Indian lives in the diaspora. She had never considered her own parents modern, but to the women in the temple, they certainly were. Their education and financial privilege allowed them to fit into British society in a way that many other immigrants could not, who instead recreated a version of their Punjabi within London.

“That’s the problem with having too much imagination, Nikki. Girls begin to desire too much.”

This quote is part of a conversation between Tarampal and Nikki. The older woman is relating the story of Maya’s suicide to Nikki, and the accusation of “too much imagination” is both an indictment of Maya’s behavior as well as a warning to Nikki. Female desire can be a dangerous thing, as the reader sees by the effort that the more conservative men and women in the community make to preserve the status quo.

“It was difficult to discern their emotions beneath the heavy coat of make-up and wedding jewelry. Was it excitement? Nikki wondered. Or fear.”

Nikki is looking at the wedding pictures of Tarampal’s daughters, who Tarampol sent to India to secure a husband while still teenagers. Nikki is likely thinking of her own sister, who is currently seeking a “suitable boy,” and perhaps of the pressures that her conservative society places on all women to hurry up and get married. The heavy makeup and jewelry are a mask that hides the true feelings of the young women, and Nikki reads them as both excitement and fear.

“What Nikki used to consider chaos now felt very much like home as she wove through the throng of people, the box of sweets tucked under her arm.”

Nikki has begun a kind of reverse acclimation to that typically experienced by members of a diasporic community. Rather than leaving an immigrant enclave and adjusting to the dominant British culture, she has begun to feel at home in the very Punjabi neighborhood of Southall. This quote can be contrasted to her earlier trip to the area, at which point she felt her persona had been split in two by seeing the bilingual signage. The chaos of the community has become home to her.

“Why was she ashamed? Because she was supposed to be; because women, especially at her age, did not ask for these sorts of pleasures.”

Kulwinder, after reading some of the erotic stories she confiscated from the women, approaches her husband full of desire. While her initial reaction on remembering the previous night invokes only light embarrassment, it quickly turns into deep shame. This was what she had been conditioned to feel as a woman, especially an older one, in her conservative, patriarchal society. Yet the stories have the same effect on her as on others who read them; they reignite a passion for life and pleasure.

“It’ll be like when we first arrived in London. They’ll see us in our salwaar kameez and they’ll be thinking, go back to where you came from.”

While not a major theme of the novel, the author reminds the reader of the prejudice experienced by Indian immigrants and the way it damages their confidence. Going to the pub for their course not only puts them at risk from men from their own community but also the larger English society, both of whom would condemn the women for transgressing gender or cultural boundaries. The traditional garments they have worn their entire time in England mark them as a target for discrimination, although later in the novel Nikki (in Western clothing) is disrespected by an American tourist who does not believe she is from London, presumably based on the color of Nikki’s skin. In both cases, others make the women feel that they do not belong.

“Now she began to cry. Sarab mistook these as tears of relief, but Kulwinder had been transported to the past, when she had given this boy her blessings. He had turned out to be a monster, but at one point, she had called him her son.”

Kulwinder has finally begun to grieve over the loss of her daughter and to forgive herself for having pushed her daughter into marrying the man who turned out to be her murderer. Because the past was so painful, she had become a hard and bitter woman; the stories, however, open a physical connection with her husband that mark the beginning of her healing process. By saving Nikki, a young woman who reminds her powerfully of her own daughter, whom she could not save, Kulwinder is able to begin to find some peace.

“For the first time in their lives they could openly share their most private thoughts and know they weren’t alone. I helped them to discover that, and I became willing to learn from them as well.”

In the process of explaining to her mother the relevance of her work in Southall, Nikki comes to her own epiphany about its importance. This job is not another of her empty acts of rebellion; it’s a way to reveal to women their own power, and it provides a humility check and powerful lesson for Nikki. This realization marks her growth from a rebellious child into a caring and humble young woman. In turn, Nikki strives to convince her mother in her best lawyerly fashion.

“Out of all the opportunities Britain offered us, choice was the most important thing.”

Another of Nikki’s misconceptions about her parents is revised with her mother’s story of a trip to India. Nikki always believed they wanted a traditional marriage and career for her. In fact, her father believed that teaching his daughters to make their own choices was what mattered most. Lost in her almost reactionary rebellious attitude, Nikki had failed to realize that she always had choice in her life; by refusing to cultivate her hybrid identity, she was squandering the precious gift her father and Britain had given to her.

“‘They’re a little afraid of us now,’ Manjeet had said. But hadn’t the Brothers always been afraid? Now they knew the full force of the women’s strength. ‘They have more respect for us now, Kulwinder corrected Manjeet.’”

Misogyny is a dislike and contempt for women that can indicate a kind of fear of women too. The self-appointed morality police, who are comprised mostly of unemployed young men, not only dislike and disrespect women but also fear them. Now that the women have begun to exercise their power, they can command fear and even respect from the men in their community, one of the many positive outcomes of the writing class.

“‘Hanh, yes, yes, but it’s all water under the tables now’ she said, please to have remembered an English idiom.”

While much of the novel revolves around the English class of immigrant women, many of whom struggle to read or speak the language, this instance of humor is perhaps the only one in the novel based on a linguistic mistake. The proper phrase is “water under the bridge.” What adds to the humor, though, is that Kulwinder is so proud to have remembered the English idiom. In earlier conversations, she insisted the younger woman speak in Punjabi, a language in which Nikki is not entirely fluent. Here, Kulwinder is willing to give up some of her linguistic power and arrogance. Both characters have evolved through their interactions with one another.

“This whole arranged marriage thing is about choices. I know you see it as the opposite of that but you’re wrong. I am making my own decision but I want to include my family in that decision as well.”

Despite how far Nikki has evolved as a character, part of her still clings to her childish rebellions, especially concerning her sister and marriage. Yet the more confident and mature Mindi explains that she is exercising choice and making her own decision in both wanting to get married and wanting to include her family in deciding. These lines echo the greatest gift their father believed he and England had offered his daughters, the gift of choice.

“She was reminded of the widows. They would have known little of this London before their journey to this country, and upon their arrival they would have known even less. Britain equalled a better life and they could have clung to this knowledge even as this life confounded and remained foreign. Every day in this new country would have been an exercise in forgiveness.”

Combining the gift of choice from her father with that of forgiveness from the widows, Nikki decides to give Jason another chance. Even though they never fully belonged to the kind of life she leads in London outside of the boundaries of Southall, they still have faith in their version of the immigrants’ dream of a better life. For Nikki, to enjoy the fullness of her life, she needs to engage in the same daily “exercise in forgiveness” as the strong women she has come to admire.

“No wonder the men always seemed so high and mighty during meetings. They watched the world from this vantage point and it looked insignificant.”

Kulwinder has joined the men in the new building and can appreciate the world from their “vantage point.” She uses the word “seemed” in her thoughts, suggesting that she now understands that, although she too will appear to others in the same way, that this is only a semblance of power, not a reality. She has, however, gained some insight into the male psyche.