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Chris CrutcherA modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Ben brings up The Autobiography of Malcolm X in Coach’s English elective class one day because he hasn’t been able to discuss the book in the way he wants in Lambeer’s class. His points upset his classmate, Sylvia Longley, who argues that the book should be burned. The class gets into a discussion about history and flag and book burning. Coach takes the class to the library, selects a copy of The Autobiography of Malcolm X, and lights it on fire outside. He lectures the students, particularly Sylvia, while doing so.
Ben has another encounter with Hey-Soos. They talk about English class, Sylvia, and Coach. Ben also shares his disappointment about losing Marla as his therapist. Hey-Soos suggests that Ben tell him what he’d tell Marla. They talk more about Dallas and whether Ben should tell her the truth. Hey-Soos suggests that being honest with Dallas will help her feel less “ruined.” Ben changes the subject and starts talking about football, his health, and his family. He doesn’t want to reveal the truth to anyone because he wants things to be normal (171). Ben wakes up and lies in bed reconsidering his decision to keep his condition a secret.
In late November, the Cougars prepare to play Timberline High School. They are one of the best teams, and Ben and Cody discuss how to beat them. On game day, the stadium is full. Coach makes the mistake of sending Sooner to talk to Timberline’s captains, two Indigenous brothers. Sooner makes a racist remark, and everyone becomes upset. Ben starts to blame Sooner when the game goes poorly. However, he reminds himself that at least he “had [his] season” even if they lost the final game (179).
Ben starts picking up some hours at the garage after the season ends. He and Rudy continue their conversations during Ben’s shifts. Rudy has a lot to say about Malcolm X, Martin Luther King Jr., and the civil rights movement. He also shares more about his past as a priest with Ben. He tries explaining his reasons for joining the church but stops when a sad look crosses his face (182).
Ben and Dallas lie on Dallas’s couch and talk about the future. Dallas wants to know if they have a chance of making it as a couple (183). Amidst their discussion about relationships and love, Dallas reveals that Joe Henry is her son. She got pregnant after her uncle raped her. Her mother is Catholic and made her keep the baby. They temporarily moved away during her pregnancy and the birth. Her mother pretended that she was pregnant and not Dallas. Dallas says that she wants to be honest with Ben because she hates secrets and wants to know if Ben can handle the truth (186). Ben promises that he isn’t going to run away.
Ben has trouble focusing in the coming months. He keeps thinking about his conversation with Dallas. Lambeer notices that he’s distracted in class one day and calls him to attention. The subject turns to Ben’s civics project. Ben plans to petition the town to have a street renamed Malcolm X Avenue. Lambeer discourages the project, but Ben doesn’t back down. Cody and Dallas contribute to his argument about race and bigotry in America.
Ben wasn’t originally serious about his Malcolm X project, but he then becomes more invested. He has also been using Malcolm X “as an excuse to see Rudy” (198). However, the next time Ben visits him, Rudy throws him out. He has been clean and sober since he and Ben started hanging out, but this time he is drunk and angry. Ben smashes all his liquor bottles, and Rudy passes out. Ben goes home feeling discouraged and overwhelmed. He wishes he had Marla to talk to. He discusses what happened with Hey-Soos that night because he hasn’t yet started with his new therapist, Alex Wells.
Ben finds Rudy still on the garage floor the next morning. Rudy isn’t happy to see him and insists that they can’t spend time together anymore because Rudy is a child molester (205). Rudy was molested as a child, too. He became a priest to escape his own urges. Then the church put a 13-year-old boy named Donny Blankenship under his mentorship. Rudy groomed and abused him for months. Then one day, Donny died by suicide. Rudy blamed himself, fled the church, and has been hiding in Trout ever since. Painkillers and alcohol have helped to dull his urges. However, the urges have started to return since Rudy has been sober and spending time with Ben. Ben realizes he needs to go and leaves.
Ben drives around with his mind reeling. He thinks about right and wrong, desperate to better understand his conversation with Rudy.
Ben has his first appointment with Alex Wells. Alex immediately questions Ben’s decision about his condition and threatens to report him for endangering himself by refusing treatment (214). They get into an argument. Ben doesn’t want to continue with Alex but agrees to complete his assignment to list everything he wants to learn before he dies.
Ben and Hey-Soos discuss Rudy and the truth. Hey-Soos says that Ben should now understand why he can’t keep his secret anymore.
Ben completes Alex’s assignment. He ends the list by saying that he and Alex aren’t a good fit (220).
Lambeer calls a meeting with Ben. He tells him that he can’t do his Malcolm X project because of current school board politics. Ben pushes back. In class later, he tells Lambeer that he’s going to do the project even if Lambeer fails him. Lambeer gets angry and sends Ben to the principal, Mr. Phelps. Phelps warns Ben that he’s risking his diploma by defying Lambeer, but Ben doesn’t care. He argues that it’s his right to fail.
Ben goes for a run to clear his head. He feels weak and collapses in the snow, crying. He realizes that what he’s feeling is anxiety. Back home in the bath, he rethinks his decision not to tell anyone. He still doesn’t know how to confront his family.
On Christmas Eve, Ben and Cody go for a run. Cody starts daydreaming aloud about their future playing football together in college. They have been best friends for as long as Ben can remember, but he still doesn’t know how to tell Cody the truth. He decides to wait because he doesn’t want to ruin Christmas.
Ben and Hey-Soos talk about Ben’s decision to keep his condition a secret. Ben wishes that Hey-Soos had encouraged him to tell the truth sooner. They get into a conversation about free will, God, and the meaning of life (242). Hey-Soos reminds Ben that his experiences are teaching him.
Ben visits Rudy and reveals that he’s dying. He cuts a deal with Rudy, promising to support him throughout the time he has left if Rudy tries to take care of himself.
Afterward, Ben visits Coach and reveals the truth to him, too. Coach is shocked and sad but promises to support Ben however he can. He again relates Ben’s situation to Becky’s death, encouraging Ben to tell his family so they don’t have the same questions Coach did.
As Ben’s final months pass, he begins to question The Impact of Secrets and the Value of Transparency. When Ben is first diagnosed and given his prognosis, he is confident that keeping his chronic condition from his family and community is the right decision. He is “scared for [his] mom,” dad, and brother but still doesn’t “want all the complication” of revealing the truth (171). Ben’s secret has granted him a sense of control over his otherwise uncontrollable situation. Revealing the truth means that he will be giving up his power and admitting that he has no autonomy over his present or his future. However, Ben feels less sure of his decision to hide his diagnosis the closer he comes to his imminent death. His relationships with Dallas Suzuki and Rudy McCoy are particularly influential in this regard. Ben has developed deep relationships with each of them since the start of the novel. These connections not only enrich Ben’s life but challenge him to be honest and open. Therefore, when Dallas and Rudy start revealing the vulnerable details of their own personal histories with Ben, Ben feels incapable of reciprocating. With Hey-Soos’s help, Ben begins to realize that secrets in fact cause division between people and threaten intimate relationships. By contrast, transparency brings people together and fosters understanding and equality. Because of these revelations, Ben decides to tell Rudy and Coach the truth.
Ben’s relationships with Dallas and Rudy also contribute to his Self-Discovery and Personal Growth in the Face of Adversity. Ben didn’t expect Dallas to invest in him, but Dallas subverts Ben’s expectations. She is not only kind to Ben but invites him into her private life and her traumatic past. The couple’s conversation in Chapter 13 particularly underscores these aspects of their relationship and in turn challenges Ben to rethink the way he has been seeing his life and himself. “I hate secrets,” Dallas tells Ben after revealing that Joe Henry is her son, “They’ll kill you” (186). Dallas uses honesty as a gateway to intimacy. Her character therefore forces Ben to self-reflect and to mature in new emotional ways. Ben feels close to Dallas because she’s been genuine with him; he therefore must be genuine with her if he wants to keep her close. Rudy’s confessions in Chapter 15 have a similarly impactful effect on Ben’s character evolution. Since Ben started spending time with Rudy, Ben has regarded him as the town outcast who simply needs a friend. However, once Rudy tells him the truth about his past, Ben isn’t sure how to feel. At the same time, Rudy’s honesty doesn’t entirely deter Ben. Rather, it helps him to understand his new companion better and pushes Ben into an unforeseen, difficult situation he must learn to navigate.
Ben’s maturation over the course of these five chapters brings him to an emotional and psychological crossroads. As his perspective shifts, he is better able to pursue change not only on behalf of others but in his own life. Furthermore, opening up to his loved ones challenges Ben to confront the reality of his mortality. Once he articulates his experience to Rudy and Coach, it becomes more real to him. He can no longer hide from his fear and must in turn admit his weakness and ask for help. These are all signs of Ben’s unique self-discovery and personal growth journeys.
By Chris Crutcher