Crash

Crash and Abby help Scooter move into the guest room. Sitting on his bed, they listen once again as he tells wondrous stories about life at sea and the places he’s been. He describes a one-tentacled octopus that he carried around for years in a bucket of water, a croc-infested swamp, the (imaginary) foot-hunters of Borneo, dangerous Hong Kong back alleys, and giant snakes that wind their way up your leg.

To the kids, Scooter’s “bed boat” always is a safe place “where you could say things out loud that you might only think anywhere else” (74-75). Abby has something she’s aching to tell him.

Abby wrote to Washington, and they told her how to construct a “wildlife habitat” in a backyard, with tall grass and woodpiles where wild animals and birds can live. She wants an observation deck in one of the backyard trees, and she hopes her brother will build it for her. Crash doesn’t want to have anything to do with it, but Scooter likes her idea. Abby begs him to convince her parents that it’s a good one. He says that if she keeps planning it, “We’ll see.”

Crash wants to know how Scooter got his name. Scooter shrugs and says that, as a kid, he was always speedy and scooted around everywhere. Crash wonders, “Did you ever run in the Penn Relays?” (78) Scooter asks what the relays are and Crash says, “Oh, nothing.”

Scooter attends Crash’s football practice twice in a week and he also visits Abby two times at her school. He watches Crash’s second football game and it’s against a tough team. Though Crash scores all three touchdowns, they lose 27-19.

During school, other kids pin a sign on Penn’s locker that reads “SISSY BOOM BAH!” (79). Attached is a bra. Mike jokes to Crash that the rest of the school is taking over their job.

Crash isn’t worried about Webb and is instead focused on the upcoming school dance and Jane Forbes. She continues to ignore Crash. At the dance, Mike rags Crash about wanting her. To prove he doesn’t care, he impulsively asks another girl to dance, but she’s tiny, looks like she’s in third grade, and wears too much makeup in Crash’s opinion. He wants to back out, but her friends and his football palls egg him on. She says, “Huh?” and Mike tells her Crash wants to know if she’ll dance with him. She stares a moment, says, “No,” and walks away. The footballers howl with glee. Crash shoves them and they topple in a laughing heap.

Crash stalks off, heading straight for Jane.

Remembering he’s Crash Coogan, he strides right up to Jane, compliments her hair style, promises to dedicate his next touchdown to her, points out that his shirt was bought in a men’s store, and suggests that she, too, wears adult-sized clothes. For a moment, her beautiful face, with nearly no makeup, dazzles him, and he reaches out to touch it, but she slaps his hand away.

Heedless, he suggests that they dance, takes her hand, and begins to pull her toward the dance floor. She yanks her hand back and says, “No” and “Who do you think you are?” Crash replies, “I’m the answer to your dreams, baby” (85). Jane and her friends burst out laughing.

Not one ever to give in, Crash grabs her hand again, this time tightly, and pulls her with him. She kicks at him and her foot strikes his Achilles tendon. He staggers, then turns and berates her for kicking an athlete’s Achilles tendon. She threatens to scream if he ever tries to force her again. He retorts that, if she kicks his Achilles tendon again, he’ll smash her in the mouth so that she won’t be able to scream.

She calls him the biggest jerk she’s ever met and he thanks her. She says he’s a bully who doesn’t care about anyone: “You’re just a big, dumb, obnoxious jockstrap” (86). Crash enjoys all of this because finally he and Jane are having a conversation. Just then, though, Penn walks up to them.

Penn wears a T-shirt that reads: “STALL THE MALL.” He says, “Greetings, fellow students” (87). Jane smiles and says hi, then asks if he’s got the item she wants. He hands her a T-shirt like his own. Gleefully, she puts the shirt on over her other top. Crash scoffs at a couple of T-shirts taking down a mall; besides, what’s wrong with a mall? Penn says lots of people are wearing these shirts, including Crash’s sister. Angrily, Crash pushes Penn against a wall and warns him to stay away from his family.

Jane intervenes and takes Penn out onto the dance floor. Crash and Mike decide to leave. As they walk out, the dance ends, and Crash maneuvers over to Jane and Penn. He shoves a shoulder into Penn and sends him sliding on his rear across the floor. Feigning regret, Crash says, “excuse me.”

On Monday, Crash receives high fives from many students for his behavior at the dance: “I’m so popular I could probably be school president” (89). He also gets three days of in-school detention, and his parents ground him for a week, which he enjoys by spending it with Scooter.

Penn and Jane, meanwhile, keep missing games because they’re out selling anti-mall T-shirts and protesting at the construction site, and their cheerleading coach threatens to drop them from the squad. They attend the next football game, but it rains, and only Scooter and three others watch from the bleachers. Game play is slippery and fumble-prone; there’s no score at halftime. Penn and Jane leave. Crash runs one in for a touchdown, the game’s only score. The cheerleading coach drops Penn and Jane from the team.

That evening at home, Abby rushes in, muddy and dripping wet. She turns on the TV, and she, Crash, and Scooter watch news footage of a handful of protesters, including Abby, Penn, Jane, and Mr. Webb, stalling a line of construction vehicles at the mall site. On camera, Mr. Webb asks how it makes sense to protest rainforest burns “when we’re covering the earth with asphalt?” The reporter also interviews Abby, who says there already are too many stores: “My mother buys my clothes at Second Time Around!” (93).

Mrs. Coogan learns about Abby’s adventure and hauls her upstairs to her room, where they argue loudly. Her mom is tired of Abby’s vegetarian, wildlife-sanctuary, mall-protesting stubbornness. She confesses that she only pretends to buy Abby’s clothes at the second-hand store, but buys new ones elsewhere. Furious, Abby pulls off her clothes, throws them at her mom, and, wearing only underwear, storms off to Scooter’s room.

During the season’s last football game, Crash breaks the school touchdown record. Scooter videotapes the game. Crash notices that his grandfather is sitting next to the Webbs, including Penn, and they’re all chatting happily. At home, Scooter mentions enjoying their company, but Crash calls them “fishcakes.”

The local newspaper lauds Crash’s performance at the game. Mike calls and asks if Crash has read the article. Crash says no, “so I could hear him read it to me over the phone” (97).

As in every other year, Scooter cooks Thanksgiving dinner and like every other year, it’s delicious. Unlike every other year, Scooter doesn’t have to leave afterwards because he’s already home. He makes many dishes, all delicious, including two types of stuffing. The one with oysters, Crash and Abby gobble up. This year, though, Crash points out that oysters are meat. For a moment, Abby is crestfallen until she remembers that her boycott applies only to things with faces, and oysters don’t have them.

Other relatives visit, including his cousin Bridget, who promptly “looks around for a hole to crawl in” (99). At dinner, her dad, Crash’s Uncle Herm, remembers how, years earlier, he thought Crash would become a fullback after he slammed into little Bridget. She groans and deliberately ignores Crash.

Uncle Herm wants to play football, and they all choose sides in the backyard. Mr. Coogan notices a pile of wood in the corner. He tells Abby that, if it’s part of her plans, it’ll attract rats and must go. Abby fumes.

In the game, Crash gets carried away and tackles Scooter as he runs toward the end zone. Crash catches the bouncing ball and runs it back for a touchdown. Scooter lies sprawled, not moving. Crash’s dad begins to scold him, but Crash runs over to his grandfather just as the others start to pick him up. “Bridget reached in and pulled a blade of grass from his forehead” (103).

Mrs. Coogan appears at the back door, crying, “No! No!” in a strange voice. She’s holding Crash’s football laundry bag and pinching her nose.

Crash completely forgot about his laundry bag, which sat in a corner for days and got very stinky. His mom opens the bag and lets the contents fall to the ground. A mouse drops out as well. Crash runs from the mouse, but Abby chases after it, trying to herd it into the wood pile. Her father reminds her that the pile must go, but she stands before it, arms folded, defiant.

Crash cleans up the laundry pile and finds a mouse nest made of bits of trash, along with some Cheerios. The mouse had been living in the bag for months.

Crash reflects on tackling Scooter and wonders why he did it. He thinks how he was peeved that Scooter pushed the wrong camcorder button during his game and gotten no movie of the record-breaking touchdowns, but that’s not why he tackled him, and now he feels guilty about it.

That night, he says he’s busy when Abby and Scooter call him for the nightly story session. Later, he creeps down the hall and opens Scooter’s door to check on him. Sleeping on his bed is Abby. He walks to Abby’s room and finds Scooter sleeping on her bed. Crash realizes that Abby must have dozed off during story time and Scooter didn’t want to disturb her.

The next day, the wood pile is gone—Abby lost that argument—and in its place is her old dollhouse.

The entire chapter consists of one sentence: “December 19: Scooter is in the hospital” (107).