Counting the Cost

Counting the Cost is, in large part, a memoir about abuse, specifically of abuse within a fundamentalist Christian family and of a young woman. During her childhood, Jill experienced emotional abuse and lived in a highly controlled environment. Her parents placed firm restrictions on what she and her siblings could wear, read, and even think. In one anecdote, a family at an IBLP conference explains that they have trained their children to answer any and all parental instructions with “yes, ma’am/yes, sir, I’d be happy to!” (39). The Duggars adopt this policy with their own children. Along this line, Jill also experiences spiritual abuse: She is taught to be afraid of her own thoughts and does whatever she can to keep them “pure” so that she can avoid sinning or causing others to sin. In this environment of intense control, Josh Duggar commits sexual abuse against his sisters (and another girl). Jill and her sisters are repeatedly re-traumatized when they have to describe the abuse, while Josh receives no professional intervention and is simply sent away to perform manual labor. Thus, much of the abuse is sexual in nature and is specific to a Christian fundamentalist household. Jill and her sisters, as women, are under even stricter control to not cause “sinful thoughts” in men. The fundamentalist view does not allow any children to have sexual thoughts, and it specifically does not allow the sisters to even potentially cause “impure” thoughts in others.

When Jill becomes an adult, the gendered spiritual abuse continues. She is told that she must submit to her husband, a man essentially chosen for her by her father. None of the Duggar girls or women are taught to expect an equal partnership with their husbands. At this point in Jill’s life, she also starts experiencing financial abuse as her father lies about her contract and refuses to pay her for her contributions to the show. He maintains his control over her by paying for her rent and other expenses instead of giving her the opportunity to spend her money as she sees fit. When Jill speaks out about this issue, she is met with more emotional abuse as Jim Bob reacts with threats and extreme anger. Jill says explicitly that Josh sexually abused her and that Jim Bob verbally abused her, but she does not name spiritual or financial abuse and is vague about the extent of the emotional abuse she has experienced.

The arc of the book attempts to reconcile the abuse, as Jill starts the complicated process of recovery. Attending therapy is a major step in the right direction that helps her realize how much healing she has to do. By setting boundaries with her parents, she is able to limit the possibility of further abuses and prioritize herself for the first time. When the book ends, Jill’s journey is not yet complete. She is still in contact with her parents, but the relationship is strained. Her court case accusing several parties of illegally releasing information about her abuse is thrown out, but Josh goes to jail for possession of child-sexual-abuse materials. That case is not connected to Jill, but it is its own form of tangential justice for her and her sisters.

The memoir finds its resolution in Jill’s partial resolution, or beginnings of a resolution, to her abuse. She has removed herself from the Christian fundamentalist household, and in this removal she has begun to reconcile the various forms of abuse she has endured. She is independent as a woman, even writing her own story, and signals that she makes decisions in her own life, such as wearing pants, and about her own religion. It is this symbolic emancipation from the household that signals her independence and healing as a woman; Josh is punished for his gendered abuse, and Jill indicates her move forward in life.