Counting Miracles

“It was just a gut feeling, an instinctual flash, but as he watched her gather herself and step off the porch, her bare feet with red nails flashing below the cuffs of her jeans, he found himself thinking, This woman has a story to tell, and I want to know what it is.”

Tanner’s response to meeting Kaitlyn Cooper for the first time foreshadows the characters’ coming connection. The narrator uses descriptive detail to convey Tanner’s keen interest in Kaitlyn. Diction like “gut,” “flash,” “red,” and “flashing” enact the intensity of Tanner’s emotional response to Kaitlyn’s appearance.

“These days, her life revolved around work and the kids, with no time left for anything else—tonight being a prime example—and she reached for her phone again. She tried Casey, listening as her call went straight to voicemail, and disconnected, feeling frustrated. She took a final sip of wine and dumped the remainder into the sink before beginning to clean the kitchen.”

The narrator’s descriptions of Kaitlyn’s domestic life provide insight into how Kaitlyn sees herself. The narrator is inhabiting Kaitlyn’s consciousness in this passage, and therefore revealing Kaitlyn’s intimate preoccupations. She isn’t thinking about her own needs, but is instead focused on her maternal and domestic duties. The image of her throwing her wine into the sink symbolizes Kaitlyn’s habit of dismissing her own desires.

“Kaitlyn felt the beginnings of a flush creeping up her neck again. He’s flirting with me, she realized. She hadn’t even brushed her hair before leaving the house, she thought with wonder. Yet as he asked her questions about her education and medical training, her hobbies and interests, she found herself responding freely, sharing stories she hadn’t thought about in years. The sensation was comfortable and warm, as if she were basking on a sunlit porch.”

The narrator uses descriptive detail and figurative language to enact Kaitlyn’s emotional experience. Words like “flush,” “wonder,” “freely,” “comfortable,” “warm,” and “basking” particularly illustrate Kaitlyn’s positive feelings in this scene and reveal Tanner’s influence on her self-regard. The metaphoric image of the “sunlit porch” also evokes notions of ease, which mirror Kaitlyn’s internal experience.

“Kaitlyn blinked at the comment, stung to the point that she wasn’t sure how to respond. She said a quick good night, and then, flustered, wandered back down the stairs. She sat on the couch, her mind spinning with all that had happened that night, from the accident, to meeting Tanner, to agreeing to see him again the following day. In any other situation, she knew it would be all she’d be thinking about, but now…Did Casey really think her mom had forgotten how to be happy? And, more important, had she?”

The narrator delves into Kaitlyn’s interiority in order to trace her Search for Identity and Belonging. Words like “blinked,” “stung,” “flustered,” “wandered,” and “spinning” illustrate how unnerved Kaitlyn feels as she tries to examine who she is and how she presents herself, particularly to her children.

“It was a good thing, he came to learn. He enjoyed watching the way the boy puffed up with pride whenever the old man handed him a pocketknife. He liked the way the boy called him Mr. Jasper—using his first name as opposed to surname—like many southerners did. Best of all, the boy no longer refused to meet the old man’s eyes or seemed perturbed by his appearance, which made it matter not at all that the boy still couldn’t whittle worth a lick.”

Jasper Johnson’s musings on his relationship with Mitch Cooper reveal The Transformative Power of Love and Family. Jasper doesn’t see Mitch as family at this juncture in the novel, but the passage has a positive tone which captures Jasper’s delight in spending time with the young boy and foreshadows the evolution of their relationship.

“After grabbing his umbrella, Jasper removed his bandanna from his back pocket and wrapped it around his face like a mask. It was mainly for the benefit of others, especially little kids. For a couple of years there, when the world was going crazy with fears about Covid and everyone wore masks in town, he’d been able to shop for groceries while feeling almost normal. Though he wouldn’t admit it to anyone, he sometimes missed those days.”

The narrator’s attention to Jasper’s appearance and his self-regard provides insight into Jasper’s social isolation. The image of Jasper covering his face with the bandanna and missing the Covid masks conveys how ashamed he is of his appearance and himself. He’s learned that others are frightened of him, but also feels as if he should hide from society because of his past. This passage is thus using subtle metaphors in order to subtextually foreshadow the revelations about Jasper’s trauma.

“But so much had changed since then, and he was no longer the man he once was. Decades ago, he’d been young and strong, and he used to look in the mirror, concerned about combing his hair just right. He used to walk without fear of suddenly toppling. He’d owned a real home and the cabin and a successful business. He’d been a neighbor and a friend and a father and a husband. He’d read from the Bible every morning and evening, going to church on Sundays, and sometimes prayed for more than an hour at a stretch. Now, he was old and everything was different.”

The narrator uses repetition, anaphora, and a retrospective tone to convey Jasper’s fraught relationship with his past. Jasper is remembering who he once was and what he had years prior, reflections which capture his ongoing Search for Identity and Belonging in the present.

“After her shower, Kaitlyn stood in front of the mirror in the master bathroom, trying to convince herself that technically, she wasn’t going on a date. A real date would mean leaving Mitch at home. Today, she told herself, was more of an outing. And surely, her thoughts continued, Tanner didn’t view it as a date either. What had he said? That it beats being stuck at the hotel all day?”

The image of Kaitlyn looking at herself in the mirror illustrates Kaitlyn’s desire to understand herself better. She is studying her physical appearance as a way to make sense of her emotional interiority. The mirror is thus symbolic of self-reflection, an experience which is echoed in the questioning, searching tone in the latter lines.

“He likes me, she thought, feeling slightly breathless. And I like him. But again, that wasn’t the issue. He’s leaving, she reminded herself. On impulse, she crawled into bed naked for the first time in years. Luxuriating in the feel of the sheets against her skin, she waited for her mind to slow down. Instead, she kept visualizing Tanner as he walked beside her. He likes me, she thought again, and it took her a long time to finally fall asleep.”

The narrator describes Kaitlyn’s time alone in order to excavate her private inner world. Furthermore, the narrator’s descriptive language captures Tanner’s affect on Kaitlyn’s emotions. Diction including “breathless,” “impulse,” and “luxuriating,” conveys a change in Kaitlyn, as she’s allowing herself to slow down and enjoy life’s simple pleasures.

“On a deeper level, Jasper couldn’t shake the feeling that he and the white deer were connected somehow. He wasn’t sure whether it was an omen or a message, but as he sat in the truck, he felt with a growing certainty that the white deer’s appearance had been meant specifically for him. Like his father and grandfather, after all, Jasper had always wanted to witness a miracle.”

The way that Jasper thinks about the white deer underscores its symbolic significance to Jasper’s character and storyline. He can’t help attaching meaning to the deer, because he has a personal connection to it. The passage thus foreshadows the role the deer will play in Jasper’s ultimate redemption.

“In a way, Casey and Mitch reminded him of his friend Glen’s kids. He remembered the older one was sharp and even a little pushy, while the younger was content and up for anything. Kaitlyn also reminded him a bit of Molly, he decided. And though it was a truth he kept hidden from others, Motley had always been his favorite of his friends’ wives. She was, he thought, a class act in every way. Like Kaitlyn.”

The narrator inhabits Tanner’s consciousness to show how his relationships with the Coopers are contributing to his Search for Identity and Belonging. Tanner compares the Cooper family to the Edwards family because he unconsciously longs for the loving family life his friend Glen Edwards has. This moment thus marks a turning point in Tanner’s character arc and conveys the lessons he’s learning about intimacy.

“As for the timing, I’m pretty sure it was one of those deathbed things. I think it bothered her knowing that I’d never put down roots and found a place to call home. Maybe she thought finding him would give me a family tie, or at least a sense of having come from somewhere.”

Tanner’s reflections on his grandmother’s revelation about his biological father capture his desire for home, belonging, and family. He uses qualifying words and hesitating phrases like “pretty sure,” “I think,” “maybe” and “at least,” which show his attempt to reflect on and process his complex experience.

“I like you. Talking to you tonight, I realized how much I enjoy spending time with you, and if we go out again, I’ll probably like you even more. And that scares me. Because you’re going to be leaving town soon. And then, after that, you’ll be leaving the country. I’m not sure that’s what I need in my life right now.”

Kaitlyn uses a direct and open tone in order to communicate her feelings to Tanner. She’s being honest and unguarded, while also admitting her dichotomous emotions. The way she speaks thus provides insight into her character and reveals her longing for a healthy relational connection and her desire to be true to herself.

“They made love almost every night, and for Christmas that year, as a gift, he built and installed the bookshelves she wanted, because he knew it would make her happy. He also spread before her rough floor plans for a lovely white house with a porch and a kitchen large enough to allow the whole family to gather. Because he knew she wanted at least four children, he’d filled the second floor with bedrooms and bathrooms. Surveying Jasper’s plans, her eyes brimmed with tears of joy.”

The mood and atmosphere of this flashback to Jasper’s early family life contrast with the mood and atmosphere of his experience in the narrative present. The narrator uses words like “love,” “gift,” “happy,” “lovely,” and “joy” to affect this idyllic tone and show how content Jasper was in his life with his late wife.

“The world descended into slow motion then, images forming and dissolving with dreamlike suspension. Flames leaping toward the sky…neighbors huddling together across the street…water gushing from hoses…more police cars suddenly appearing, coming to a stop on the neighbor’s lawn…Audrey’s blackened body in the grass, surrounded by paramedics… But most of all, it was his own screams that he would always remember—his own, and Paul’s.”

The narrative style in this passage affects a harried, desperate narrative tone. The use of italics, fragmentation, and ellipses enacts the unspeakable horror of the tragedy being described. The narrator is inhabiting Jasper’s consciousness as he remembers this traumatic scene, and thus uses language that immerses the reader in his emotional experience.

“And the rest of her…Pregnancy and nursing had done her no favors. Nor, frankly, had gravity. Her breasts, once firm, now seemed to droop, and the extra pounds around her midsection were all too evident. Her hips had expanded as well, and while she liked to think her legs still looked okay, she knew she wasn’t the young woman she once had been. And yet Tanner had called her beautiful.”

The narrator’s descriptions of Kaitlyn’s body reveal how Kaitlyn sees herself. Diction like “droop,” “extra pounds,” and “expanded” imply that Kaitlyn doesn’t like how time and maternity has altered her physicality. However, the self-critical tone of these lines contrasts with the passage’s final line, which upturns Kaitlyn’s view of herself and challenges her to recognize her own beauty.

“Oh, please. I could see it as soon as you got home. But you need to appreciate what you bring to the table. You’re smart and successful. You help sick people, you feed the poor, and if your fabulous daughter is any indication you’re obviously a great mom. And you’re pretty. If anyone is going to be nervous, it should be him.”

Casey Cooper addresses Kaitlyn in a direct, blunt way, because she wants her mother to hear and believe what she’s saying. This passage of dialogue provides insight into Casey’s true nature, and shows that she’s not only mature, but empathetic and encouraging.

“Meanwhile, the questions continued to nag at her, and all at once, it was hard to stay seated. Rising, she swept some crumbs from the table with her napkin and brought her glass of wine to the kitchen, along with her dessert plate. She dumped the remains down the sink, and uncertain what to do with the leftover tart, she pushed it to the corner of the counter before automatically reaching for the sponges. As if on autopilot, she began wiping down the counters.”

Kaitlyn’s uneasy cleaning in this scene conveys her emotional discomfort. She feels antsy physically because she doesn’t know how to process her feelings. Furthermore, she is turning to domestic duties to feel a sense of control, because this is how she’s understood herself in recent years.

“When he woke, the world was black. Sheets of rain continued to fall, illuminated by the occasional flicker of lightning. Evening, he absently noted, and when he shivered it was excruciating. He moaned, then began to weep, his tears blending with the rain. In a fog, he sensed the dog lying beside him, their bodies close together.”

The narrator’s environmental details evoke a dangerous, bleak atmosphere. Words like “black,” “flicker,” “lightning,” “shivered,” “excruciating,” “moaned,” and “weep” illustrate Jasper’s desperate physical situation. Furthermore, the images of Jasper’s tears parallel those of the rain and his fleeting consciousness parallels the image of the fog. Jasper’s surroundings are therefore mirroring his interiority.

“Listen, Tan, I gotta be honest with you. I don’t think she’s wrong to ask why you’re going back to Cameroon. I told you when you were here that I felt you were taking a step backward. You’re one of the few people I know who can do anything he wants, and I’m still not sure why you make some of the decisions you do.”

Glen uses clear, unguarded language in order to speak to Tanner. He uses the direct address and Tanner’s nickname, which affect a blunt but loving tone. These lines of dialogue thus underscore Glen’s influence in Tanner’s life and reinforce his character as a guide.

“But if he didn’t go, then what? He didn’t know. Despite his desire to live a life of meaning, his decisions always seemed to reflect the conviction that his real life was going to be found elsewhere, just beyond the next horizon.”

The narrator uses questions, fragmentation, and figurative language to capture Tanner’s internal conflict. He’s asking himself questions about his identity and his future, while simultaneously acknowledging his own contradictions. At the same time, the reference to “the next horizon” underscores Tanner’s addiction to adventure and newness, and thus his fear of commitment.

“Tanner hung up the phone after a few more minutes, his mind churning. Turning back toward his hotel, he found himself thinking through these things in terms of Kaitlyn—at least, what he knew of her from the short time they’d known each other. But more than that, he thought about how he’d felt whenever he was with her. He thought about the fact that she felt…right.”

The narrator inhabits Tanner’s consciousness to reveal how his character’s outlook is changing. Furthemore, the images of his “mind churning” and his body “turning back” convey his desire to reflect on his circumstances and to make sense of them.

“Would she even care that she had inspired a reckoning in him? Would she trust that his reevaluation was sincere? And most important, would she be willing to give him a second change? All he knew for sure was that meeting her had turned his world upside down.”

Tanner asks himself questions about his and Kaitlyn’s relationship because he is eager to know what the future holds for them. The passage is punctuated with a more decisive line, which shows Tanner’s attempt to reconcile with his uncertain reality and to be open to Kaitlyn’s experience.