36 pages • 1 hour read
Brené BrownBraving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone
Nonfiction | Book | Adult | Published in 2017A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Chapter 7Chapter Summaries & Analyses
Chapter 7 Summary: “Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart.”
The final element of true belonging refers to the Buddhist aphorism “strong back, soft front,” and it points to where practitioners must hold courage and vulnerability when braving the wilderness (148). After individuals have experienced what it means to speak and act in ways that feel “right despite the criticism and fear,” they become “painfully aware” of the difference between fitting in and true belonging (148).
To develop a strong back, Brown advises revisiting the BRAVING strategies and Maya Angelou’s declaration of self-love and self-respect: “I belong to myself” (150). Angelou’s words encapsulate the moment of true belonging when we come to “like ourselves and are concerned when we judge ourselves too harshly or allow others to silence us” (150). As Brown’s friend Jen Hatmaker describes, striking out into the wilderness comes at a cost, but eventually, travelers in the wilderness will discover a “stunningly vibrant” gathering place where “all the creatives and prophets and system-buckers and risk-takers have always lived” (152).
Paradoxically, true belonging also requires the soft front of vulnerability, in part because an armored front prevents love, joy, intimacy, trust, and courage from arising. To be armored from pain “causes us much more pain in the end” (154). Brown argues that we must challenge past experiences and beliefs that link vulnerability with weakness and danger by reminding ourselves that the reward—being fully seen—is worth the risk.
Navigating the four elements of true belonging is a paradox, yet practitioners will find that their capacity to fight for peace and justice expands with the ability to nurture moments of personal joy. Experiencing love, belonging, and joy is a transferrable and transformative act. We experience love, belonging, and joy when we can bring love, belonging, and joy to others. We experience joy when we show gratitude for what we have and own our pain without needing to diminish it or compare it with others. As Brown reminds us, “True belonging doesn’t require you to change who you are; it requires you to be who you are” (157).
Brown advises us to stop looking for confirmation that we don’t belong because we will always manage to find it. Instead, she advises that we remember that the “truth about who we are lives in our hearts” (158). When we are at home and belong to ourselves, we build the resilience, courage, and integrity to stand with our truth. Brown turns to Angelou’s words for a final reminder that freedom comes in realizing “you belong no place—you belong every place—no place at all” (163).
Chapter 7 Analysis
In Chapter 7, the final practice of “strong back, soft front, wild heart” requires individuals to have some degree of self-awareness and the capacity to take action without guarantee of success. Brown underscores this idea by referencing Angelou’s key quote again: “I belong to myself. I am very proud of that. I am very concerned about how I look at Maya” (148). She then reinforces it with Joan Halifax’s advice on giving and accepting care with tenderness: “[living with compassion] comes about when we can be truly transparent, seeing the world clearly—and letting the world see into us” (147). She once again reminds readers that they develop a strong back when they “put BRAVING into practice” (149).
When they enact the BRAVING strategies, individuals are better positioned to challenge beliefs that equate vulnerability with weakness or danger. Living with a wild heart is, according to Brown, “a critical piece of addressing our current spiritual crisis,” and it is our greatest spiritual possession (155). Living out the paradox of love requires that individuals fight for peace and justice while cultivating moments of joy, and that they open to the dichotomy of being tough/tender, excited/scared, brave/afraid, and fierce/kind. Brown emphasizes that “we can’t give people what we don’t have. We can’t fight for what’s not in our hearts” (156). We must have in order to give; yet, to give, we must have knowledge of giving.
In her conversation with middle-schoolers, Brown found students were able to clearly articulate the differences between belonging and fitting in. According to the students, belonging is being where you want to be with others who want you and being accepted for who you are. Conversely, fitting in is being where others want you to be even though they don’t care about you and being accepted for being like others (160).
Brown reminds us that we must “protect our wild heart against constant evaluation, especially our own” (158). What we seek to find, we will discover. If we turn to others, we may find we don’t belong. If we turn and look deep into our hearts, we may find our own true belonging. We know the difference between what it means to truly belong and what it means to fit in. Given the choice, the evidence, and the explicit means to do so, achieving the former is possible. As Angelou says: “The price is high. The reward is great” (163).
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