Blackout

Perhaps one of the most prevalent themes throughout the novel is the notion of letting go of what is familiar and diving into the unknown, despite feelings of fear and uncertainty. Given that the novel falls under the young adult genre and follows the lives of modern teenagers, the experience of growing up and trying to figure oneself out—in terms of one’s identity, relationships, and future—remains relevant for each character. In “Mask Off,” a queer but closeted JJ struggles to come to grips with his sexual orientation, a subject he has never explicitly breeched with himself or his loved ones. Having recently fallen out of love with basketball, the very thing that everyone in his life knows him for, JJ fears coming clean about the recent revelation, doubting his ability to “ever tell anybody I’m not really feelin’ the hoop life no more” (21). Though he aspires to be more like his classmate, Tremaine, who “has always seemed so unfazed about the whole expectations thing,” JJ struggles to disregard what others think of him, knowing that straying from what he knows may cause controversy (22).

Over the course of several months, JJ begins to explore his queer identity, eventually joining an online community of queer people and attending a local masquerade party put on by the group. That JJ not only joins the online community but also attends the event in person indicates that he is now willing to explore his sexual orientation, even if it means putting himself in unfamiliar environments. Safe behind his mask, JJ’s observation that being among other queer people gives him “a sense of…not aloneness” helps to push him further into the unknown. Notably, by the end of the night, the sense of security he feels in an explicitly queer space is so great that he builds up the confidence to kiss his crush and classmate, Tremaine. Being that it is his first time kissing a boy, JJ’s realization that “the way I felt kissing Tremaine was far different than I’d felt with ol’ girl Shelley the night before” (32) suggests that JJ’s newfound willingness to let go of what is familiar in favor of trying new things has a positive impact on him.

In “No Sleep Till Brooklyn,” Kayla also struggles to stray from what is familiar to her. That she refers to herself as “Kayla Simmons, expectations meeter” indicates that her desire to please those around her is deeply ingrained in her. Having been with her boyfriend, Tre’Shawn, for so long, Kayla has a difficult time imagining who she might be or what her life might look like without him. The fact that she acknowledges that “every now and then there’s this little voice in my head that wonders if” she only remains with Tre’Shawn “because he’s the only person I’ve ever been with” suggests both an inherent fear of and curiosity about the unknown. Kayla struggles with anxiety also play into this fear, as she is accustomed to “expect[ing] bad stuff as opposed to good things so I won’t be hurt” (116). Though it is scary to stray from what she knows, Kayla’s strong feelings for her classmate Micah enable her to push past her fear of the unknown. That Micah helps Kayla to “see that there are so many possibilities for [her], for [her] heart” gives her the courage to have an honest discussion with Tre’Shawn about her feelings (129). Once she breeches the conversation—one she has previously dreaded having—Kayla is able to realize that she should simply “forget what anyone expects: the only person I have to truly worry about is me” (129).