Big Little Lies

Jane tells Madeline the story of her one-night stand. It happened shortly after Jane’s long-term boyfriend, Zach, had broken up with her. Jane’s friend Gail suggested they go out drinking and dancing. At a bar, a group of men in their 30s treat Jane and Gail to drinks. One of the men is Saxon Banks. Saxon is charming, and eventually Jane goes up to his hotel room with him. Jane had never had a one-night stand before and feels this moment is the right time to do it.

In the hotel room, Jane and Saxon drink champagne. He moves in to kiss her, and Jane detects “His aftershave smelled like money” (199). Jane asks if Saxon has a condom, assuming he does. Instead, Saxon grabs Jane’s throat, testing if she likes it. Jane hates it and repeatedly tells Saxon to stop choking her. He refuses, berates her, and proceeds to rape Jane, unprotected, all while whispering cruelties to her. Jane disassociates from her body and finds herself agreeing with Saxon’s demeaning comments. After the assault, Jane dresses and leaves demurely. Saxon, casual and nonchalant, puts on the tv. Jane leaves the hotel. To Madeline, Jane notes the long-term consequences: “After that, nothing ever seemed quite the same” (202). 

Madeline feels terrible for Jane and wants to confront Saxon for her. The incident was traumatic for Jane. After, she dropped out of school, slept a great deal, and lost weight. Jane knows she shouldn’t care about Saxon’s harmful words but admits to Madeline that she thinks about them constantly. With a passion Madeline hasn’t seen from Jane before, Jane says “It’s because a woman’s entire self-worth rests on her looks. […] that’s why. It’s because we live in a beauty-obsessed society where the most important thing a woman can do is make herself attractive to men” (206). Jane is ashamed of the impact Saxon has had on her life, but despite the horrible trauma, she is thankful to have Ziggy. Jane finally admits to Madeline that now that Ziggy is getting older, she worries if he might become like his father. This fear intensified when Chloe accused Ziggy of choking her.

Madeline assures Jane that Ziggy is a good, sweet boy. She offers to Google Saxon Banks and enact some sort of plan. Jane pleads with Madeline not to do any such thing. Madeline reluctantly agrees. The two share a loving embrace. Jane’s vulnerability surprised Madeline. Madeline hugs Jane back affectionately, thinking of Abigail, and assures Jane she is a lovely person. 

Celeste hesitantly visits a domestic violence counselor, Susi. Susi questions Celeste. Celeste fears Perry’s violence but knows Perry is only afraid that she will leave him. There was one time, when Perry had Celeste’s face forcibly against the corner of a couch, that she worried she might die. One of the main reasons she hasn’t be able to leave Perry is because he is such a caring father and, she adds, has never been violent toward the twins.

Celeste also had difficulties getting pregnant. She tells Susi “I had four miscarriages in a row. It was terrible” (216). Now that Celeste and Perry have the twins, she feels even more attached to him: “Breaking away from him would be like tearing flesh” (217). Celeste insists that the boys don’t know about Perry’s violence, and they are mostly a normal and happy family. Susi asks why Celeste made the appointment then, and Celeste thinks back to Perry’s nonchalant, even playful demeanor, the morning after he had shoved her. After Perry is violent, he's kind to Celeste; it makes her second guess herself. Celeste feels relieved after the revelations, and Susi and Celeste make plans for how Celeste can handle the next violent episode. 

In bed, Madeline asks Ed about erotic asphyxiation. Ed wonders if Madeline is trying to add excitement to their sex life, which she quickly shoots down. Madeline retells Jane’s story. Ed is troubled but also calls Jane a “Silly, silly, girl” (223), which infuriates Madeline. Ed is victim blaming but denies it. Madeline leaves the bedroom and makes tea to try to calm herself down, doubting it will work. Fuming, Madeline recognizes the real source of her anger is Saxon Banks. She grabs her iPad.

Madeline Googles Saxon Banks, despite Jane’s request not to do so. She finds a businessman based in Melbourne with that name and wonders if that might be the same one. She studies his photos, trying to decide if she sees a resemblance to Ziggy or not. Saxon Banks has a wife and three daughters. Learning this, and knowing that Ziggy might have three half-sisters, shoots guilt through Madeline. She knows she’s intruded into Jane and Ziggy’s life. Worse, “Hadn’t she almost enjoyed feeling outraged over Jane’s sad, sordid little sex story? Her sympathy came from the superior, comfy position of someone with a life in proper middle-class order” (228). Madeline remembers being treated similarly when Nathan walked out on her and Abigail.

Madeline stares at the picture of Saxon, feeling unwell. Then, Chloe screams through the house, having just had a nightmare. Madeline is glad to have a problem she knows how to solve and goes to console her youngest daughter. 

Jane starts to go to the Blue Blues regularly to work. She develops a friendly rapport with Tom, at ease around him because he’s gay. She enjoys talking to Tom about TV shows and music, pleasures she had previously lost joy in. In general, Jane has felt a bodily awakening since reading the sex scene for Madeline’s book club—not just a sexual reawakening, but an appreciation for life. Moreover, Jane knows telling Madeline her secret has brought her relief.

During one of their routine morning walks, Jane tells Celeste about Saxon Banks, too. Celeste is quiet, but still reassuring, and the next day gives Jane a gift: a blue gemstone necklace that’s supposed to help “heal emotional wounds” (233). Jane is thankful for the gift and the daily exercise, and her appetite begins to return. When Tom gifts her with a homemade muffin, however, Jane’s instinct is to refrain from eating it; while her appetite might be returning, her eating disorder hasn’t completely vanished.

Mrs. Lipmann, the school principal, calls Jane to setup a meeting about Ziggy. Jane agrees, although Mrs. Lipmann is vague about the details. Jane takes a bite of Tom’s muffin, knowing her meeting with the principal will be unpleasant. 

Jane goes to the meeting with Mrs. Lipmann. The principal informs Jane that she has learned Amabella “has been the victim of systematic, secret bullying over the last month” (237). Amabella won’t say who is bullying her, but Renata assumes it is Ziggy. Mrs. Lipmann assures Jane she doesn’t assume Ziggy is the bully, and that Miss Barnes hasn’t seen Ziggy be mean toward anyone. Mrs. Lipmann asks about Ziggy’s background and his father, putting Jane in an uncomfortable situation. Jane imagines telling Mrs. Lipmann about Saxon but says Ziggy has good male role models in his life despite not having a father.

The arrival of Renata and her husband, Geoff, interrupts the conversation. Renata assertively puts herself and Geoff into the room, creating an unwanted group meeting. Renata comes at Jane, lecturing her to control her son. Geoff tries to alleviate the tension, but Renata is insistent that she wants Ziggy “to stay the hell away from my daughter” (242).

It is the weekend, and Abigail comes to stay at her mom’s house. More than ever, Madeline feels their relationship has become awkward and stilted: “She didn’t know how to be around Abigail anymore” (244). Madeline feels that Bonnie has taken over as the role model for Abigail. Bonnie is concerned about global issues, whereas Madeline is materialistic. Madeline knows “Bonnie was giving Abigail a social conscience, while Madeline was just encouraging poor body image” (246). Madeline doesn’t want to change personally, instead wishing that Abigail would appreciate how much her mother cares for her.  

While Madeline awkwardly tries to converse with her daughter, Abigail reads up on child marriages and sex trafficking. Madeline secretly disapproves, chalking it up to her own privilege. Abigail is determined to do something about the horrible things she’s reading about. She claims to have an idea but won’t go into the details with her mom. Once again, Abigail leaves for her dad’s house before Madeline can learn anything more. 

Celeste signs a six-month lease for an apartment in a nearby area, McMahons Point. She is doubtful she will go through with moving out but wants to prove to Susi she is a person who takes action. She walks around her unfurnished apartment, relishing in the idea of being able to decorate it how she wants, with things Perry would find tacky. Celeste is happy knowing she can take her time decorating her space, and she even plans to bring supplies and clean it up herself. The possibility of leaving Perry is actualizing.

Celeste imagines the consequence. Perry will try to get full custody. His family, which Celeste finds charming and inviting, will also learn about a side of Perry he keeps hidden. Mulling it over, Celeste hates the idea of uprooting her life. Perry’s abuse, Celeste rationalizes, is just one side of him. His others side were lovely, attractive, and kind. By leaving Perry, there would be so much that Celeste would miss, perhaps “There was too much to miss, too much to sacrifice” (258). She reminds herself that renting the flat is just an exercise. Celeste thinks that Perry’s abuse made her life fairer; otherwise, it’d be too perfect. 

Jane takes Ziggy to the beach. The two build a sandcastle together. Solemnly, Jane tells Ziggy that someone in his class has been hurting Amabella. Recounting the details pains Jane, and she understands more fully Renata’s anger: “It was too awful to contemplate. No wonder Renata was out for blood” (310). Jane asks Ziggy if he is the one hurting Amabella, and he tells her he doesn't want to talk about it.