Belladonna

“‘You never asked for this to happen,’ Signa whispered to herself as she braced against anxious onlookers. ‘You may have thought it, but thinking is not the same as doing. You are good. People could learn to like you. This is his fault.’ His fault, his fault, his fault. It was her new mantra. Signa hated Death even more now than she did before. Hated what he’d somehow caused her to become. Though… she couldn’t say she was sad that Aunt Magda was gone.”

Signa says this to herself after the death of Aunt Magda. Continuing to blame Death for all of her problems, she reassures herself that she did not kill Magda because that would warp her view of the world and Death as she has always known it. The final sentence of this quote also highlights her complex and shifting views about death and how she sees the morals surrounding it.

“She was glad, at least, that the hatchling would no longer feel pain. Glad that if she was to be a monster, at least she could deliver mercy.”

Similarly to the previous quote, Signa feels the need to assure herself that she is better than what she believes Death to be as she knows how much pain Death has caused her. In the earlier chapters of the novel, as Signa discovers her powers, she frequently contrasts herself with Death, as she still feels he is to blame for her misery.

“Because death is only a reprieve for the dead, Mr. Thorly. It cares little for those it leaves behind.”

Signa tells this to Sylas early in their acquaintance before knowing he is Death. This quote highlights the difference between the two characters’ views of death early in the novel. Whereas Death sees what he does as a natural and egalitarian process, Signa thinks of death in terms of her own suffering and grief after the deaths of her relatives.

“She never spent any time with such people and could do little with the information she gleaned. But for Signa, the point was always to fill in the gaps in their stories. She was intent on solving the puzzles she’d formed in her head, and mentally crafting stories for people she’d never be close to.”

This quote gives insight into how Signa’s mind works and how she uses her acumen to solve Lillian’s murder. As someone who has not had much exposure to society throughout her life, Signa has had to make inferences and “fill in the gaps” to understand the world. She uses this technique to discover who has been poisoning the Hawthornes, leaning into the murder mystery tropes of the novel. 

“‘Listen,’ Death whispered. ‘Important rules were broken that night. Life and death is a game of balance, Signa. A balance that must always be maintained, otherwise you will bring chaos into this world.’”

Throughout Belladonna, Death tries to tell Signa about the importance of the balance between life and death, starting when she accidentally kills Magda and Blythe’s life is saved in her place. This is something Signa misunderstands about Death earlier in the novel as she blames him for picking and choosing the people he kills in order to make her miserable. Death’s convictions on this subject come into play several times throughout the novel until Signa learns the importance of this balance.

“No one has dared speak to me in the way that you do. Why is it you are so polite to others? So demure and soft, and yet so bullish when we speak?”

Death notices how Signa has a different personality around him than she does around everyone else, implying that it is because she cares too much about Gendered Etiquette and Expectations when she is with anyone but him. Signa notices this about herself as well, highlighting how a life with Death and her powers is what she really wants, not the traditional life she thinks she wants. In this way, Grace continues to highlight how Signa is limited by the rules of society and is more herself with her powers.

“With all her pretenses lost, her words became sharper and more venomous. Possibly, it was because there was no need to impress him. No need for social graces and second-guessing her every thought and action. With him, there was no pretending. Perhaps this was simply who she was.”

This excerpt illuminates Signa’s view about the previous quote. Unlike in life, Signa recognizes that she does not need to put on a facade with Death. Though this thought scares Signa at first, she later comes to accept that it is better to be who she truly is than to pretend she is someone else, reflecting The Power of Aspiration.

“Lillian was a wonderful woman, but the Hawthornes will always be a target no matter how kind they are. There are people who would kill for money, Signa. People who will spin lies into sweet words and even sweeter smiles. You’d be wise to remember that.”

Sylas tells this to Signa after she tells him about Lillian’s poisoning. Though this quote makes Signa doubt she can trust Sylas, especially as she believes at this point that he is after her money, Signa later learns that this is yet another way Death is trying to protect her. Just as he shielded her from her greedy guardians, Death wants to make sure Signa knows what she is doing when she decides to trust someone.

“‘How do you feel?’ Death asked with a knowing lilt. ‘Like the world I’ve known is suddenly insufficient.’ She didn’t realize it until she’d spoken the truth aloud. Something about Death—something about when she was like this—made her brave.”

When Signa uses her powers, she begins to recognize the difference between the life she is expected to live and the one she actually wants, invoking The Power of Aspiration. This quote again emphasizes that Signa feels safe and powerful around Death, whereas she feels insecure and powerless in the real world. The great contrast between Victorian society and the realm where Signa can use her deadly powers shows just how passive women were expected to be at this time.

“Could a life like the one she spoke of—free but alone—truly be so fulfilling?”

Signa had always thought she needed to marry in order to be happy but questions this when Blythe tells her she has no intention of marrying. Unlike Blythe, Signa has always felt lonely and thinks that marriage could free her from this. However, Signa starts to question her expectations about marriage when she discusses the subject with other women.

“Charlotte’s words stung like a wound. Signa knew she could carve out her own future, but she’d never considered that some women would have to be with a man not of their own choosing, simply to exist. It was the last thing she wanted for her friend, especially.”

Just as Blythe’s claim that she does not intend to marry comes as a shock to Signa, so does the revelation that Charlotte does not have the same social opportunities as her when it comes to marriage. This quote highlights the reality for the majority of Victorian women and emphasizes the privilege of wealthy women like Blythe and Signa. Here Signa also starts to see how the marriage market unfairly pits women against one another, and how her own luck could be Charlotte’s ruin.

“Death was the ferrier of souls; he was not a demon or a monster, but the one who guided wayward spirits. She’d seen how they clung to him. How they sought him out in anticipation. And for those who were afraid…Well, he had to have learned his softness somewhere.”

As the novel progresses, Signa starts to see how wrong her initial view of Death is, reflecting The Complex Emotions Surrounding Death. Her transition to seeing him as a good person rather than an evil one comes simultaneously with her realizations about the unfairness of the real world. This also begins her true education into becoming a reaper and helps Signa to further understand the complexities of death.

“A Lady’s Guide to Beauty and Etiquette was starting to feel less like her saving grace and more like a nuisance. A grim reminder that because she couldn’t master the rules—because they exhausted her so—she would never be good enough, or perfect enough, or deserving enough.”

This quote highlights the double bind faced by women in Victorian society and how, if they did not act perfectly, they might not be considered “good enough, or perfect enough, or deserving enough” due to Gendered Etiquette and Expectations. Here Signa starts to question the purpose of etiquette and how little it actually means in the larger scope of life, as the more she practices it, the more she seems to fail in the eyes of society. 

“Stop worrying about society and playing its game, hoping that you’ll be good enough, Death urged her. There is no such thing as true goodness, there is only perception. So why not try my way of living? I think it would suit you just fine.”

Death tells this to Signa as she struggles to understand the purpose of the frivolous rules of etiquette. Death understands, as she does not, that there is no equivalence between goodness and social status. As such, he frequently tempts Signa to give in to what she really wants by showing her just how powerful she can be if she embraces The Power of Aspiration.

“‘Good’ girls didn’t want the things Signa was considering. For so long she’d had her plans, her hopes, and now he was throwing a wrench into all of them. […] she curled into the sheets and shut her eyes, willing away the desire.”

This quote continues to illustrate the theme surrounding Gendered Etiquette and Expectations in Victorian society, particularly in regard to sexuality. Signa knows of the strict expectations for what women are and are not supposed to do, but she nevertheless feels physically drawn to Death in a way she knows would ruin her chances at living a normal life. For Signa, her experiences with Death are not compatible with the life she has always thought she would live.

“You are valued, Signa. I want you to hear that from me before some vulture of a man starts filling your head with sweet words. I care for you not because you’re polite or skilled at social graces, but for all the oddities that make you who you are. And someone else will, too, I assure you.”

Knowing how exhausting it is to perform as a woman in society, Blythe tells this to Signa before she goes to the ball, an event that is essentially the precursor to her debut. Blythe sees that Signa struggles to fit in with society despite her desire to do so, but Blythe also knows the real Signa. This also highlights Blythe and Signa’s strengthening bond in the face of Signa’s more superficial new friends.

“But the more she thought about it, the more Marjorie’s and Blythe’s warnings crept into her head. What was the purpose of it all? She’d marry, and then she’d…What? Have tea on Tuesdays and Saturdays, and any other blasted day of the week, while catering to the whims of her husband and hosting company? She wanted more than gossip and tea. More than maintaining a house, and ensuring her script was nice and her piano playing tolerable.”

Here Signa questions the value of the life she was always taught to want as she recognizes how this life is designed for the benefit of men rather than women. When she considers this life alongside what she has experienced with Death, Signa is left wanting more and knowing she can have it, reflecting The Power of Aspiration.

“The reaper disappeared, and in his wake, he left […] a girl who had just damned another soul without a moment’s hesitation. One who stood before all of them, power thrumming through her blood. Signa could get drunk off that power. Could drown herself in it, it felt so good.”

This excerpt comes after Signa convinces Death to spare Blythe’s life and kill someone else. Despite Death’s warnings about balance, Signa thinks it is right to make a selfish decision, as she has seen Death occasionally do for her. The power Signa feels in this moment serves as an important contrast to the powerlessness she feels trying to live a normal and socially-acceptable life.

“He couldn’t know how grateful she was for him in that moment. He couldn’t know that, as glad as she was to hear him speak of her parents, she was reminded deeply of her own loneliness. But at Death’s side, slipping her hand in his, she realized she needn’t endure that alone. There was no pretending. No lying about what she wanted or molding herself into someone else. With Death, Signa could be wholly herself.”

At the beginning of the novel, Signa hates Death because of how lonely he makes her feel. This quote shows how Signa has undergone a significant change, recognizing how she does not feel alone around Death because she can be herself with him as she was unable to do throughout the majority of her life.

“In all my existence, I’ve asked only for one thing—for one person who might understand me, and whom I could let myself touch. When I touch someone, I see the life they’ve lived in flashes of memories as they die. But the first time I touched you, it was your future I saw. A glimpse of you in my arms, dancing in a beautiful red dress beneath the moonlight.”

This quote from Death leans into the tropes of the romance genre of the novel. His confession of love for Signa is conventional in the genre, yet also highlights how his loneliness parallels Signa’s. Death’s ability to see her future when he can only see others’ pasts shows just how unique Signa and her abilities are.

“When I see men like Elijah, rather than feel guilt for what I’ve done, I remember that he feels sorrow because he loved so deeply. And were I not real, Little Bird, were I not Death, he would never have experienced that love. So which is better? To live forever, or to live and love?”

When Signa sees Elijah’s grief, she is reminded of her own and why she hated Death in the first place, which speaks to The Complex Emotions Surrounding Death. However, this quote continues to show Death’s insistence on how the balance of life and death is both natural and necessary. In referencing the love between Elijah and Lillian, Death also hints at the complexities of the love between Signa and himself.

“He was right. She no longer feared what brewed within her, and she was done making apologies for who she was. Signa would not just burn; she would ignite. She would blaze hotter than a star at Death’s side and would finally claim all that she was. All that was hers.”

Here Signa finally comes to terms with the strength of her powers and how they help her recognize who she truly is rather than who she pretends to be. This quote also highlights Death’s role in Signa’s change and how he has assisted her in discovering her true worth and The Power of Aspiration.

“For so long she had resisted it. For so long she’d fought against this part of her—and oh, how exhausted she was. She was tired of the pretending. Tired of making herself someone she was not while running away from all that made her feel good and whole.”

Like the previous excerpt, this quote highlights the stark difference between who Signa was expected to be and who she actually is. When she gives in to the full complexity of herself and her powers, Signa realizes just how much she is being held back by the life she was expected to live and the etiquette she had been governed by.