Before We Were Free

“You will see them before they come back but only after you are free.” 

Chucha tends to speak in what sound like riddles to Anita. Later, when Anita is reunited with the Garcias in New York, she will have a chance to ponder the truth of Chucha’s words and how they foreshadowed the nature of freedom. 

“Mrs. Brown always says that writing makes a person more thoughtful and interesting.” 

Anita’s teacher encourages Anita to write, because thoughtfulness is required for wisdom, and writing helps to clarify thinking. This skill will come in handy later when Anita writes in her diary to leave an account of the revolution for those who might follow her into hiding.  

“It’s like my whole world is coming undone, but when I write, my pencil is a needle and thread, and I’m stitching the scraps back together.” 

Anita learns that writing is a way to bring orderliness to the chaos of life. In writing, she always has a choice, and it helps her to see her situation more clearly.

“Sometimes life without freedom is no life at all.” 

During a conversation with Anita, Mami explains the difference between a life worth living and mere existence. A life without choices is a life without options, and what is freedom if not the ability to choose? 

“For now, we all have to be like the little worm in the cocoon of the butterfly. All closed up and secret until the day […]”

Mami encourages Anita to keep writing in her diary, but to keep it a secret. It is another harsh reality: Even the private musings found in a child’s diary are fair game to an oppressive regime. 

“Democracy is only the beginning. Education is the key.” 

Papi fights on behalf of free elections and independence, but makes clear that if people are uneducated, they can still make poor use of their freedom. This freedom can result in governments trying to think for the people instead of an educated populace cognizant of how it should be governed. 

“That’s where I’m from […] greatest country in the world.” 

When Sam speaks about America, he sounds like a recruitment video. Throughout the novel, he demonstrates that his knowledge of America is often superficial, though he maintains a steadfast belief in America’s superiority.

“There are enough secrets already in the world.” 

Anita does not yet know how many secrets Mami is keeping, but Mami maintains these secrets to keep others, including Anita, safe. Later, Mami makes it clear that in a free society, secrets should and would be unnecessary. 

“With patience and calm, even a burro can climb a palm.”

Even the largest tasks—such as overthrowing a dictatorship—must proceed slowly, and with many small steps. Chucha reminds Anita that haste is more likely to create dangers. Patience is always wiser. 

“Not everyone can be a butterfly.” 

These words, spoken by Chucha, have more than one meaning, particularly once it is learned that the resistance organization is known as The Butterflies. As she explains, not everyone can fight, not everyone can fly away, and not everyone can transform. 

“It’s so unfair to have to live in a country where you have to do stuff you feel bad about in order to save your life.”

Anita can see that one’s own existence must take precedence in the ranking of priorities, but it doesn’t mean that she has no conscience.

“I want my children to be free, no matter what. Promise me you’ll spread your wings and fly.” 

Papi is willing to sacrifice his own freedom for that of his children. This is one of the many times in which he reinforces to Anita that he wishes for her to make use of her freedom if the revolution ever succeeds. 

“I want to say good-bye to him, but the words are stuffed inside my mouth like a gag keeping me from talking.” 

As Papi leaves for the last time—although Anita does not know this yet—she is unable to speak to him. Her mental imagery takes on increasing aspects of captivity during the novel. Now, even her inability to speak has an oppressive element. 

“Maybe after being Joan of Arc for the revolution, then I can go back to being a normal girl and fall in love with Oscar!”

Anita is beginning to see herself as playing a pivotal role in the revolution, just as every citizen must if a cause is to have its best chance of success. This quote also epitomizes the limbic place between adult and child in which Anita resides for much of the novel. 

“Are some people so awful that nothing can get inside them and make a difference?”

Overthrowing a dictatorship is a perilous task that can prove to be impossible. But it happens in the novel. However, Anita is aware that it can be even harder to change a person’s true nature. 

“When I write in it, I feel as if I’ve got a set of wings, and I’m flying over my life and looking down and thinking, Anita, it’s not as bad as you think.” 

Anita’s continued writing is what begins to teach her what healing can feel like. It grants her a perspective that is objectively lighter than the subjective weight of her grief and sorrow. 

“New York City is where you stay on your way back to where you came from.” 

New York is a sort of limbo for Anita, while she waits to hear word of Papi and Toni. But as she experiences the city, she sees that she is not alone in feeling this way. It is a city of immigrants, many of whom dream of returning to their own countries. Further, New York City functions as an external manifestation of Anita’s coming-of-age.

“Thank you […] for letting me into your country.” 

Anita is unable to express her ambivalence about being in America to the American students. America has not made her happy, and therefore it is difficult for her to feel gratitude for being there. 

“You can’t dry yesterday’s laundry with tomorrow’s sun.”

This is one of Chucha’s sayings, and a reminder that the characters in the novel are forced to deal with the reality of the moment. Daily survival means not dwelling on the past or thinking too much about the future. 

“But I don’t cry. Not right away. I listen carefully until the very end. I want to be with Papi and Tio Toni every step of the way.” 

Anita is brave, refusing to protect herself from the details of Papi’s execution. Like Joan of Arc, she stays the course until the end. By learning of the details of their death, Anita feels closer to them and, eventually, can say goodbye because she has the closure of knowing what happened. 

“Inside, I’m all numb, as if I had been buried alive in sadness and my body got free, but the rest of me is still in captivity.” 

Being free from the dangers of SIM has not made Anita feel free. Something will have to change inside of her for her to feel truly liberated from her grief. This quote underscores how location means nothing if freedom doesn’t come from the inside. 

“To be free inside, like an uncaged bird. Then nothing, not even a dictatorship, can take away your liberty.” 

Anita finally sees that one can only be as free as one feels inside. Anything else is life inside of a cage. 

“This is something I don’t want to forget. A brand-new world no one’s had the chance to ruin yet.” 

The snow covers the ground and makes everything look unfamiliar and new, helping Anita to hope that it might be possible to start over. The snow butterflies she sees function as her symbol for moving through the process of grieving and becoming something that is at once the same but different after that process has concluded.