54 pages • 1 hour read
S. J. WatsonBefore I Go to Sleep
Fiction | Novel | Adult | Published in 2011A modern alternative to SparkNotes and CliffsNotes, SuperSummary offers high-quality Study Guides with detailed chapter summaries and analysis of major themes, characters, and more.
Symbols & Motifs
The Journal
The journal is a recurring motif in the novel, underlining the theme of memory and identity. By recording daily events, Christine is able, she says, “to create [her]self from nothing” (290), forging a vital link between her past and her present. In the absence of memory, the journal gives Christine “a narrative, a life” (290), slowly building her understanding of who she is as she pieces together her history.
Crucially, the journal gives Christine an alternative to relying on the narratives provided by Mike/Ben and Dr. Nash. For example, she says that the scrapbook of photographs “is a version of [her] past, but one chosen by Ben” (45-46), while her journal offers her own version. The authenticity of Christine’s version is emphasized in her description of the journal as “brown, bound in leather” (41), whereas the scrapbook “is bound in plastic that is supposed to look like worn leather but does not” (23).
At first, Dr. Nash must remind Christine of the existence of the journal every day. However, as her sense of identity coheres, she writes in the journal without prompting and begins remembering the things she has written down. The journal becomes Christine’s raison d’être, and she writes frantically in it at every opportunity. When Christine finally tells Mike about the journal, his violent reaction demonstrates his recognition that the book threatens his control over Christine’s sense of who she is. Mike’s decision to burn the journal turns out to be a fatal mistake as Christine cannot bear to witness her “history begin to turn to ash” (362). In rescuing the journal, Christine kills Mike but saves herself.
The Locked Box
The locked metal box symbolizes Christine’s memory. The box contains items related to her past, but its contents are frustratingly inaccessible. Christine wants to see what is inside but also fears finding out, reflecting, “Whatever it contains must be dangerous. I imagined wild animals, scorpions and snakes, hungry rats, venomous toads. Or an invisible virus, something radioactive” (128). Christine’s imaginings of the box’s contents evoke the mythical Pandora’s box, which, once opened, released misery and evil into the world. Although she wants to retrieve her memories, she fears some may be unbearably painful.
Mike’s curatorship of the locked box symbolizes his careful control over Christine’s perception of reality. He controls when Christine views its contents and what she sees. Initially, Mike opens the box to show Christine the photos of Adam. However, he only does so when Christine remembers she had a son. The rest of the time, the locked box conceals Adam from Christine.
As the novel progresses, Mike uses the box to manipulate Christine. Guessing that she will search for the key, he plants fake evidence in the box, such as the newspaper report of Adam’s death and the photograph of his grave. The contents of the box change according to what he wants her to believe.
The Antique Clock
The clock on the mantel is a recurring motif in Before I Go to Sleep. The clock is old-fashioned, like several other items in the house, and Christine realizes she does not like it. Her aversion to the antique timepiece indicates that the house’s contents do not reflect Christine’s tastes or identity. Mike has chosen everything, just as he controls every other aspect of his wife’s life.
The clock also emphasizes Christine’s uneasy relationship with time. Due to her amnesia, she does not experience the passage of time in the usual, linear way. Each day is disconnected from the one that preceded it. Early in the novel, she is horrified at the prospect of spending her days without real purpose. For Christine, “time stretches, is almost meaningless,” with “only the chime of the clock downstairs to show me that time was passing at all” (162).
Initially, the clock represents the long hours that Christine must fill alone in her home. However, as she discovers more about her past, the clock’s time marking takes on greater urgency. As Christine’s journaling becomes increasingly vital to her, the clock’s hands “creep from nine, to ten, to ten thirty” as she waits to write the day’s entry (75). While Christine writes in her journal, she is acutely aware of time passing as she tries to get down everything she wants to remember. The clock’s chime usually ominously precedes Mike coming to bed, signaling that she must hide her journal.
