Be a Perfect Person in Just Three Days!

“Milo couldn’t stand it. ‘I bet you’d love me if I turned perfect.’”

Milo has not read Dr. Silverfish’s book yet, but he has been thinking about the prospect of becoming perfect. This quote is taken from the evening before he begins Dr. Silverfish’s program, and it captures the moment he decides to commit to it. Milo is talking to his family in this quote. They are all at the dinner table, and Milo’s family criticizes him for several reasons. After his exclamation, his family laughs and carries on with their usual lighthearted conversation, not realizing that Milo is serious.

“He is also Thompson Seedless Professor of Enology […] He holds degrees from Fahrenheit University and Centigrade Institute, but when his arms get tired he puts them down.”

This quote is taken from Dr. Silverfish’s biography on his book’s jacket flap. It is a good example of Manes’s humor and word play. Neither the grape and wine related joke at the beginning of the quote nor the pun about “holding degrees” have anything to do with Milo’s story or attaining perfection. Still, they illustrate Dr. Silverfish’s lighthearted, jovial nature and underscore the fact that he enjoys life, which is the actual goal of his work.

“A halo of green light surrounded him as he smiled down on all the imperfect people in the world and laughed at their mistakes.”

Milo has started Dr. Silverfish’s program and has the stalk of broccoli in his bedroom, ready to wear the following day. In this quote, Milo is dreaming about being perfect while watching his family members fail doing everyday things like stubbing toes, dropping groceries, and losing keys. Milo feels immensely superior, a sentiment that this quote captures. At this point in the program, the feeling of superiority is exhilarating and enticing, as Milo has been longing to be “better” than everyone else for some time.

“Usually Milo backed down when George bullied him, but this time he was totally unafraid […] Finally George got tired and gave up. He wasn't used to Milo’s defending himself.”

George, the school bully, is trying to grab the broccoli from Milo, telling Milo that it looks stupid. Milo is so determined to follow Dr. Silverfish’s instruction that he stands up to George for the first time and protects the broccoli hanging around his neck. This quote is important because it highlights a turning point for Milo. Milo realizes that he has the courage to stand up for himself and that when he does, bullies quickly give up. Self-confidence and courage are skills that Dr. Silverfish is aiming to teach his readers under the guise of teaching “perfection.”

“Look, nobody’s making you wear anything […] If I have to wear this, it’s my business. If you don’t like it, leave me alone.”

This quote is Milo telling George to leave him and his stalk of broccoli alone. Prior to this confrontation, Milo was telling teachers and classmates a lie about having to wear broccoli for medical reasons. When Milo stands up to George, he simply tells him to mind his own business without feeling the need to concoct a cover story for his behavior. This shows personal growth and a sense of self-acceptance. Milo is comfortable doing what he wants without succumbing to the pressure to explain himself to others.

“‘You know, Milo, I'm beginning to think that broccoli is having a strange effect on your brain! If it's going to make you behave like this, I think I'll make you wear it.’ Milo didn't say anything. He just smiled the most perfect smile he could and cut his rutabaga into tiny bite sized pieces so that he could chew and digest it with absolute perfection.”

Milo successfully completed a day at school wearing broccoli around his neck and is behaving perfectly at the dinner table, ignoring his sister and being polite. This quote shows the positive feedback he gets during dinner from his mother, who is speaking in this quote, which adds to his feeling of success and achievement. This fuels Milo’s determination to complete Dr. Silverfish’s program.

“But what are you doing sitting there with a stalk of broccoli around your neck? Why, that's the stupidest thing I've ever seen! […] All I can say is, you must have a lot of courage. In fact, you must be absolutely fearless. It is a well-known fact that there is nothing in the entire world more humiliating than broccoli around your neck […] Congratulations! You have conquered fear.”

This quote is taken from “DAY 2” of Dr. Silverfish’s instruction book. It is important because it shows Dr. Silverfish’s humorous, impactful style of instruction: On completion of a task, Silverfish addresses the reader with mock outrage and an insult followed by a compliment. His admiration is explained with a summary of the achievement—in this case, “conquering fear” —which makes it more powerful than a simple “good job.” Silverfish’s direct style lets Milo know that he has successfully overcome something truly humiliating and reiterates that Milo now has the knowledge and experience to face future embarrassments with ease.

“So he felt very proud that he was able to resist temptation and make it to school without having anything but three large glasses of water.”

Milo has just resisted a breakfast table laden with delicious smelling food on day two of Dr. Silverfish’s program, which involves not eating or drinking anything except water for 24 hours. This quote says that Milo feels proud and resists temptation, which foreshadows the purpose of this step of the program. Dr. Silverfish is not teaching “perfection;” he is teaching courage, resilience, will-power, and self-appreciation.

“The kids called him things like ‘Broccolihead’ and ‘The Human Vegetable,’ but now that he knew he was fearless, those names didn't bother him.”

At school, the day after completing step one of Dr. Silverfish’s program, Milo is still teased about wearing broccoli the day before. However, as detailed in this quote, the teasing does not bother Milo at all. Milo thinks he is completing steps to become a perfect person, but he has actually already completed one of the most important steps towards becoming a happy, self-confident, imperfect human: being fearless. Unbeknownst to Milo, he is becoming the perfectly imperfect person that Dr. Silverfish is aiming for.

“‘I thought everyone would laugh at me, and that's just what you're doing,’ Milo moaned. ‘Besides, I wanted to be perfect and surprise you.’”

This quote is taken from a conversation Milo has with his father after his father sees Dr. Silverfish’s book. Milo’s father asks why Milo didn’t tell his family what he was doing, to which Milo replies this. Though Milo has completed step one to achieve fearlessness and has almost completed step two to attain resilience and willpower, but he still worries that his family will laugh at his wish to become perfect. Secondly, it highlights that Milo’s fears of being laughed at are not unfounded—his father did laugh, though not maliciously—but through this Milo learns not to take other people’s reactions too personally and to stick to his convictions.

“Perfect people do not eat very often. Eating gives you too many chances to dribble ketchup down your chin.”

This quote is taken from chapter three of Dr. Silverfish’s book. Dr. Silverfish is congratulating the reader on completing step two, not eating for 24 hours, and reiterating that perfect people do not eat often. In this quote, he explains that one reason that perfect people do not eat is that eating is messy. He indirectly references the cover picture of himself with mustard dribbling down his chin. Dr. Silverfish gives his readers clues that he is happily not perfect throughout the book.

“This proves you can do something just because you want to, which is what we experts call ‘will power.’”

Dr. Silverfish is congratulating his reader on successfully going without food for 24 hours, explaining what they have learned through the experience in this quote. Dr. Silverfish presents “perfection” to his readers, knowing that if he simply told them they could become more confident by completing his three steps, most people wouldn’t be as tempted. The lure of becoming perfect is so strong that people with lower self-esteem, like Milo, are willing to push themselves to achieve it, gaining confidence and willpower in the process.

“He always played right field because he wasn’t very good at baseball, but he liked it anyway.”

When Milo realizes that he will miss a baseball game if he starts step three, he is torn. He decides to miss the game because even though he enjoys baseball because he is not very good at it. Milo admits that he just stands around in baseball, not doing much for fear of messing up. This highlights Milo’s lack of self-confidence and his worry about being judged. Being a perfect pitcher is one of his fantasies when he dreams about being perfect.

“The idea of not sleeping was the part Milo liked best. He would have to stay up all night, something he had never done before.”

Milo is getting ready to complete the final step in Dr. Silverfish’s program—to do nothing for 24 hours. This quote shows that Milo is looking forward to this step, anticipating the excitement of staying up all night, but overlooking the fact that he will be staying up and doing nothing at all. At this point, Milo is still determined to reach a state of perfection. Nothing has dented his belief that being perfect is the ultimate state of being, and he looks forward to being the “only perfect person” he knows (46).

“But after about half an hour, he couldn’t think of much more to think about. When it came to perfection he was all thought out.”

Milo starts step three by thinking about all the wonderful things he will do when he is perfect, but as this quote shows, it only takes half an hour for him to run out of ideas. He tries to fill the remaining 23 hours with listening to traffic and his stomach and thinking about what to think about. This is the beginning of the turning point for Milo, when perfection starts to seem less than perfect.

“‘These must be perfect people’, he said to himself. ‘Maybe I’m one of them already.’”

Milo sits back down from a bathroom trip and sees his room full of silent, still people, sitting in rows doing nothing, like him. This quote captures his thoughts as he sees them. Initially, Milo is excited to think he is “one of them already,” and he tries very hard to do exactly as they do—be very still, other than to sip weak tea. This quote is important because although Milo is getting a sense that being perfect might not be great, the thought that he might have achieved perfection and joined this elite group still gives him a boost to try and complete step three.

“As the minutes dragged by, Milo began to wonder what they did do. The answer seemed to be ‘Nothing’. Milo had never been so bored in his entire life.”

This quote captures the moment that Milo admits to himself that he is bored being amongst “perfect” people, and he wonders whether he really wants to be like them. However, with his newfound willpower and determination, Milo perseveres with step three and tries to stay awake. He still feels that he is not “good enough” and so continues trying to be perfect, even though he is becoming disillusioned with how perfection looks.

“He had not made it to perfection after all. He had only fallen asleep. He had failed.”

Milo drops off to sleep and falls off his chair before the 24 hours of step three are up. This quote shows that Milo feels like a failure, despite thinking that perfection might not be all that it’s cracked up to be. This speaks to Milo’s desire to please people—he feels that he has failed Dr. Silverfish as well as himself. By feeling like a failure for falling asleep, Milo shows that he still believes that he is not adequate simply by being himself and that he needed to become a better, perfect version of himself.

“It’s ridiculous to want to be perfect anyway. But then, everybody’s ridiculous sometimes. Except perfect people […] Perfect is never doing anything wrong—which means never doing anything at all. Perfect is boring!”

Milo feels awful when he fails to complete step three of Dr. Silverfish’s program, but his mood lifts after he reads Dr. Silverfish’s final chapter titled: “CONGRATUALTIONS! YOU’RE NOT PERFECT” (54). This quote shows Dr. Silverfish’s true feelings about “perfect” people. He reminds his reader how boring the perfect people were and goes on to extol the virtues of imperfection by listing all the fun things that perfect people do not do. Dr. Silverfish comforts readers who “fail” by making them realize that the goal that they were striving for is not only unappealing, but also unproductive and isolating.

“You can […] be as imperfect as you please and still be a good person. Good people are hard to find nowadays. And they’re a lot more fun than perfect people any day of the week.”

In addition to reminding readers how boring perfection is, in this quote Dr. Silverfish expands his argument against perfection by pointing out that perfect people are not good people and that it is better and more fun to be good than perfect. Being perfect entails doing nothing, and you cannot “do” good by doing nothing; therefore, perfection not only comes at a personal cost—isolation—but also a societal cost. Striving for perfection is a self-centered activity that good people don’t indulge in.

“If you still want to be perfect, go back to page one and start over. You are obviously a slow learner.”

This quote is taken from Dr. Silverfish’s book’s last page, where he is signing off with thanks for “tuning in” and instructions to “Be good.” This quote is almost an afterthought to the few people who have not understood his overarching message that trying to be perfect is not something to be recommended. The lesson Dr. Silverfish is referring to when he calls the reader a “slow learner” is that it is better to be good and true to yourself than to try and become a “perfect” person.

“He felt human again.”

Milo has finished Dr. Silverfish’s book. He has a new perspective on perfection and on what it means to embrace individuality. Milo teases his sister and makes himself a smelly breakfast of pickles and salami, and—as the quote states—he feels human again. Milo finally understands that “perfect” people are robotic, boring, and probably don’t exist. Instead, things like sibling banter and smelly food are what make life enjoyable.

“If you never dropped a ball or struck out, baseball would be as boring as sipping weak tea.”

Milo’s newfound confidence and appreciation that everyone makes mistakes carries over to his baseball game. Milo no longer worries when he drops a ball or strikes out because he knows that without mistakes, baseball would lack any excitement. Milo makes plenty of mistakes, but now, armed with a deeper personal understanding and self-assuredness, he also makes some brilliant plays.