At Swim-Two-Birds

An unnamed student lives with his uncle in Dublin, Ireland while attending the university to study the Gaelic language. As he eats a meal, the student thinks about the nature of stories. He believes that “a good book may have three openings entirely dissimilar and inter-related” (4), and he provides three examples of introductions to novels.

In the first example, a supernatural being and “member of the devil class” (4) named Pooka MacPhellimey sits in a cabin alone and thinks about mathematics. In the second, a man named John Furriskey is born at the age of 25 with memories of childhood but no actual experiences. In the third, the legendary Irish folk hero Finn Mac Cool is a “man of superb physique and development” (4) though not particularly intelligent.

The student ruminates on his situation. He sits at the dinner table and considers his uncle, who often criticizes him for being lazy and withdrawn. The student prefers a “contemplative life” (5) that allows him to spend most of his day locked in his room, thinking and smoking without anyone to disturb him. His uncle disapproves of the type of “studying” (6) the student does in his bedroom. The student promises to press his uncle’s Sunday trousers and then returns to his bedroom to read a letter from Verney, a man who provides insider tips for betting on horse racing. In the letter, the tipster apologizes for a recent run of bad advice but encourages clients to stick with him and send more money. He lays on his bed and thinks about the story of Finn Mac Cool.

In Finn’s story, the legendary hero describes his favorite sounds. A giant man, he stands up from his chair and recounts a poem. As the leader of the Irish people, he spends part of the year hunting, drinking, and celebrating with “his people” (9). The crowd calls on him to describe “the attributes” (10) of his people. Finn’ describes his people’s strength and bravery through the outlandish feats they can accomplish.

The narrator recalls writing Finn’s story shortly after discovering “intoxicating beverages and their strange intestinal chemistry” (13) for the first time. He remembers visiting a pub with a fellow student named Kelly and drinking pints of porter until he was drunk, though many people had long warned him about the dangers of alcohol. Since then, he has become a frequent drinker despite “the painful and blinding fits of vomiting” (15). After one particularly heavy drinking session, a friend named Brinsley visits the still-recovering student and confesses that the story about Finn Mac Cool is “the pig’s whiskers” (16). The two men then discuss literature and publishing; the student explains that he believes that “characters should be interchangeable as between one book and another” (17) and that a modern novel should have frequent awareness of and references to all literature that came before it. Brinsley disagrees.

The student reads from a manuscript. In it, he describes Dublin’s Red Swan Hotel. A man named Dermot Trellis lives there. He is “flabby and unattractive” (18) and has remained voluntarily bedridden for 20 years.

Brinsley interjects to describe Trellis in detail until the student’s uncle interrupts them. The uncle quizzes the two young men about university, a recent bout of mild sickness in Dublin, and the importance of God. He offers to put in a good word with a friend who works for the Christian Brothers, an educational organization that Brinsley hopes to join after completing his studies. He wants Brinsley to promise to consider becoming a priest. When the student’s uncle leaves, Brinsley is relieved and hopes that Trellis is not in any way like the uncle.

The student returns to his manuscript and includes a passage from A Conspectus of the Arts and Natural Sciences that he believes describes the broad, square Trellis. In the Red Swan, Trellis raises himself from his bed on a typical Tuesday evening and descends the stone stairs to the basement. He finds the servant-girl, Teresa, and examines his recently washed sleeping clothes.

The student asks his uncle for money to buy a German book. The uncle agrees, “so long as the book is used, well and good” (23). The student takes the money, goes to the Gentleman’s Smokeroom at his college which is used by “card-players, hooligans and rough persons” (24), and meets Brinsley. The student explains that in his story, Trellis (who is a writer himself) has invited his characters to live with him in the Red Swan “so that he can keep an eye on them and see that there is no boozing” (24). Most of these characters are taken from other books, including cowboys from Western novels, Finn Mac Cool, and a cellar filled with leprechauns. Trellis, the student explains, is writing a book about the appalling state of modern society but is making sure to include “plenty of smut” (25) to keep readers interested. The student says that Trellis has control over his characters while awake but cannot keep control of them while he is asleep, so he must keep them all in the hotel. The central villain in Trellis’s book is a small, dark, depraved man named Furriskey.

The student reads an extract from his manuscript in which Trellis explains the nature his new book. He hopes to describe the immorality of the world and thereby save the next generation of children from society’s sinfulness. The book will show how a sinful man can corrupt an innocent woman.

Brinsley is distracted by a newspaper article about a local horse race. He says that they’d be fools if they “didn’t have something on this” (26). The student shares his racing tip from Verney. After successfully wagering the student’s book money, they go to a pub to meet Kelly. They drink beer, Brinsley recites his poetry, and the student tries to remind himself that he needs to save some of his money to buy his German book. Afterward, they stagger home drunkenly.

Trellis writes his story. John Furriskey is born at the Red Swan Hotel as a fully formed man “about five feet eight inches in height, well-built, dark, and clean-shaven” (28). Trellis is heralded for aestho-autogamy, the art of “producing a living mammal from an operation involving neither fertilization nor conception” (29), which allowed Furriskey to be born from nothing but the writer’s mind. Trellis thanks William Tracy, an “eminent writer of Western romances” (29), for inspiring his creation of Furriskey. The narrative jumps ahead to a future trial of Trellis, in which he is asked about Furriskey’s birth. Trellis is accused of plagiarizing Tracy’s characters and of failing to take care of his confused, disorientated, and ludicrously dressed creation. Trellis explains that he fell asleep.

The student stays in his room during the chilly winter. He did not buy his German book, and his relationship with his uncle is at perhaps its lowest point. In February, he finds lice in his bed. Ashamed, he tries to live properly and attends his college every day. One afternoon, he meets a friend of Brinsley’s named Donaghy. They talk together about literature and then go to a pub. Donaghy says that the student’s clothes have a “stale spent smell” (33), and Brinsley points out that the student is developing a paunch. After the pub, they take a tram to a cinema. Three nights later, the student notices Kelly on a street typically “frequented by the prostitute class” (34). They walk together through the Dublin streets and talk, as they do on many other nights. The student believes that these walks help his health.