All Your Perfects

The doctor at the hospital tells Quinn that she experienced a rare cervical ectopic pregnancy. Graham asks if stress could have caused the miscarriage, but the doctor explains that miscarriage was the inevitable outcome of this type of pregnancy. Quinn realizes that Graham has been holding himself responsible for her miscarriage. She tells him, “You have a lot to feel guilty for, but my miscarriage is not one of them” (216). Graham leaves to cry.

Quinn regrets not knowing about her pregnancy for the brief time it lasted. She wishes they’d had “the cushion of feeling like parents, if even for a moment” (216). She’s assigned bed rest for two weeks to recover from the surgery. Graham sleeps with her in the hospital bed that night.

Quinn calls Ava, who says she’s coming home to support her. The former refuses and spontaneously says she’s thinking about flying to Europe to visit Ava instead. Graham overhears this conversation and asks Quinn if she’ll come back. She says “yes,” but can’t provide a date of return.

Quinn is stressed by wedding planning, unlike her and Ethan’s engagement. This time, she argues with her mother more. Avril stresses the importance of a prenuptial agreement, claiming Quinn needs to protect her potential assets.

Quinn tells Graham that her mother is causing her stress by overstepping in wedding decisions. Graham asks what Quinn wants, and she says she’s uncertain about wanting a wedding anymore. He says Quinn can blame him for any rejections of her mother’s preferences; Quinn appreciates this, but doesn’t think it will be effective. Graham leaves and secretly re-plans their wedding—he books the beach house for the weekend, as well as an officiant and a witness to perform the ceremony. Excited, the couple packs. They agree not to tell anyone until after the ceremony is complete.

Quinn’s been at Ava’s home in Europe for three weeks and hasn’t spoken to Graham. She’s sore and weak, still recovering from her surgery, but enjoys her time with her sister. Quinn worries that she’s overstaying her welcome, but Reid says that her keeping her pregnant sister company has been a relief. She says she’ll probably fly home this week; Reid tells her to bring Graham when she comes back to meet the baby (as Ava hasn’t told him about Quinn and Graham’s marital issues).

The doorbell rings, and everyone is surprised to find that the visitor is Graham. Ava quickly removes herself and Reid from the area so Quinn and Graham can talk. Graham tells Quinn that she needs to make a choice—either come home or leave him, as he can’t stand living in uncertainty. Quinn’s forgiven Graham for kissing another woman but worries about what will come after forgiveness. She tells Graham that she wishes everything felt like it did earlier in their relationship. Graham says they can return to that place. Quinn says she’s not the same person she used to be, and that Graham doesn’t want the new version. Graham says he just wants to feel like she loves him again, and doesn’t care if they have children or not. He apologizes for cheating, saying he knows it’s the worst thing that ever happened to Quinn, but she angrily tells him that his infidelity pales in comparison to her infertility.

Graham is sad and subdued. He asks Quinn if living life with just the two of them would be enough, even without children. She doesn’t know how to answer, which he takes as a “no.” Graham walks away and comes back with their wooden box. He tells Quinn that he’ll open the box if she doesn’t stop him, and seems devastated when she doesn’t. He opens the box. Quinn weeps and, despite their strained relationship, Graham holds her. She pulls away and opens the box.

Five hours after their elopement, Quinn and Graham tell their families that there won’t be a wedding. Graham reads a text from Avril that suggests the elopement was a way for him to avoid signing a prenuptial agreement. He’s confused and angry, but quickly says he would have signed a prenuptial agreement and agrees to sign a postnuptial agreement instead. Texts start coming from his sisters, and he pushes his and Quinn’s phones off the balcony and into the bushes below. Graham tells Quinn that he has a wedding present for her—the wooden box. Inside is the love letter Quinn wrote to him at his request, as well as a letter he wrote for her. He says they’ll lock the letters in the box and open them on their 25th wedding anniversary, or if an emergency arises before then: “A relationship emergency. Like…divorce” (248). They promise that if either of them ever considers divorce, they will first open the box and read the letters to see if their early love is enough to save their relationship.

Inside the box, Quinn finds several letters addressed to her. Graham explains that he’s added more letters because “There were things I needed to say that you never really wanted to hear” (253). Quinn reads the letters by order of date. The first one is light-hearted; the later ones address Graham’s feelings of helplessness and inability to help Quinn cope with her grief. One letter admits that he’s only going through the fertility treatments because he knows how much Quinn wants to be a mother. The most recent letter addresses Graham’s infidelity. He knows Quinn saw him holding his baby nephew and voicing devastation at not having a baby yet (as he saw Quinn’s gift left on the coffee table). This revelation made him feel like he no longer brought her happiness. Graham speculates that he kissed another woman to give them an excuse to divorce, to free Quinn and allow her to find happiness. Finally, he promises to love her more than ever and accept her decision regarding their relationship. Quinn cries and tells Graham that she loves him, forgiving his cheating and apologizing for her lack of communication. They cling to each other.

Quinn and Graham return to the beach house for their one year wedding anniversary. The former’s made Graham a blanket out of the clothes they’ve ripped off each other during their relationship. As they begin to make love, Quinn says they need a condom; Graham gets one, and then tosses it aside and thinks they should start trying to get pregnant. Quinn is overwhelmed with happiness at the idea of them being parents. They make love. They then plan their futures—both a “perfect” version with children and dream jobs, and a version where they struggle financially and don’t have children. Quinn says both lives sound perfect because they’ll be together.

Quinn tells Graham that she dreamed of their anniversary on the beach. She reminds him that she thought both versions of their life together sounded perfect and apologizes for losing sight of this truth. She tells Graham that he’s always been enough for her. As Graham makes breakfast, Quinn looks through the wooden box. She finds the post-it note with Graham’s phone number and their two fortune cookies. He shows her the backs—both cookies have the number 8. This echoes the date of their reconnection (August 8) and references Graham’s early claims that they were soulmates fated to meet. Quinn discovers that Graham hasn’t read her love letter to him; he tells her that he didn’t need to read it. She considers writing more letters to put in the box, which the couple once again plan to open on their 25th anniversary.

Quinn and Graham talk about dreams that have nothing to do with children. They decide to move to where Ava and Reid live. Graham still remembers what Quinn’s fortune said: “If you only shine light on your flaws, all your perfects will dim” (293). Quinn realizes she’s spent so long fixating on her infertility that she stopped appreciating the “perfect” things in her life. She smiles, and Graham says he’s missed her smile.

Two years have passed since Chapter 30. Quinn and Graham shop for their nephew Max’s second birthday. The store clerk asks if they have children of their own. Graham lies and says they have six; making up fake answers to this question has become a game for the couple. Quinn reflects on how avoidance nearly ended their marriage and how they had to rebuild from a new foundation—one that didn’t rely on having children as a necessity or expectation. She hasn’t given up on adoption, but continues to build a fulfilling life outside of children. The couple returns to their car and find they have a flat tire, which Quinn fixes. When she goes inside a nearby shop to wash her hands, she realizes it’s a pet store and finds a puppy in a kennel. She feels an affinity with the puppy; she and Graham adopt him and name him August, in honor of their anniversary and the matching 8s on their fortune cookies from years ago.