A Piece Of Cake: A Memoir

After Cupcake’s mother died, her Uncle Jr. stepped in to take care of the funeral arrangements and help with the family. He was one of Cupcake’s favorite people because not only was he smart (he was a teacher) but he loved her dearly. When Cupcake was a child and accidentally rolled Uncle Jr.’s car down the hill, he ran after it and managed to stop it before it hit a tree. He never told Cupcake’s mother what she had done, instead covering for her. Uncle Jr. was Cupcake’s mother’s only brother, and he also took care of Cupcake’s grandma, who had Alzheimer’s. Cupcake knows she got her spark and fighting spirit from her grandma, who was not afraid to defend herself if someone insulted her, even as her condition worsened. Cupcake wore a red dress (her favorite color) to her mother’s funeral, which happened on a rainy day. Cupcake recalls how several relatives showed up who never talked to her, appearing to feel sad but never having acted like they cared.

Cupcake never thought about God very much as a child, but when the eulogist spoke about God, Cupcake scoffed, wondering where God was now. Cupcake always felt that God wouldn’t be interested in someone like her, because she wasn’t capable of perfection. Two days later, a judge told Cupcake’s Daddy that she and Larry would be sent to live with Mr. Burns, their biological father. Cupcake never knew this man, and as she grew up, it was Cupcake’s Daddy, rather than her biological father, who not only cared for and loved her, but also financially supported her as well.

Still, the judge had no choice, and despite Cupcake’s protests, along with that of her Daddy and uncle, they were sent to live with a man who only wanted them for life insurance money. Cupcake says that, ironically, the insurance was entrusted to Uncle Jr. and had nothing to do with the children at all. Cupcake had a few minutes with her Daddy and uncle before being taken from them, and she spent that time being told that she and Larry were loved and always would be. Her uncle remained in the same house with the same phone number, just to ensure they would always have somewhere to turn. Many tears were shed, and Cupcake was never again in the same room at the same time as her Daddy and uncle.

Mr. Burns angrily drove Cupcake and Larry home, saying little to them except that he wasn’t ready to take in children, which Cupcake found odd considering that he had demanded to take them. Mr. Burns decided to leave them both with a foster mother named Diane, who Cupcake remembers as being extremely difficult to look at. Cupcake and Larry got into Diane’s car and never saw Mr. Burns again, too scared and saddened to object or question it.

Cupcake and Larry were driven to Diane’s house in the suburbs, which was a totally new environment than what they were used to. Cupcake realized she would miss her old neighborhood, the noise, and the vibrancy. Diane spoke about how she “accidentally” killed a pair of twins she had in her care when they were given the wrong medication while sick. After she lost her license, she simply changed her name, moved, and got a new one.

When they finally got to the house, Diane’s biological daughter Connie, who was younger than Cupcake, told Cupcake and Larry the rules of the house and emphasized that they were unwanted because they were foster children. Cupcake and Larry were told they can only enter certain rooms of the house except when the social worker visits or while cleaning, including Diane’s immaculate living room. They were given cheap food in small portions, forced to clean most of the day, and subjected to physical abuse and threats. Diane’s nephew, Pete, gave Cupcake her first taste of alcohol, which she found enticing because it allowed her to forget that she had lost everything and everyone she loved. The same night, Pete took Cupcake into the bathroom and violently raped her while suffocating her with a towel. Cupcake bled and felt a sense of filth and shame she had never before experienced. Pete told her nobody would help her, and that Diane knew about it. When it happened again two days later and Diane told Pete not to injure her again, Cupcake knew for certain that she had nowhere to turn.

Cupcake ran away only days after arriving at Diane’s house, leaving Larry behind and knowing she could only afford to worry about herself. She left at night with no jacket and set off into the cold, not knowing where she might end up. Cupcake cried thinking of all she had endured and lost. She sat down on a bench, where a girl in her older teens approached her and introduced herself as Candy. Candy offered to buy Cupcake some hot cocoa and a donut, listening to her story and how she ended up alone. Candy told Cupcake that “nothing in this world is free” (34), adding that Cupcake would have to start taking care of herself. She left for a moment, got into a man’s car, and returned. She explained to Cupcake the concept of sex work and then encouraged her to try it, giving her alcohol and cannabis to aid in convincing her.

Cupcake ended up going with a man who paid extra due to her young age, and she discovered that if she wasn’t sober and the man wasn’t violent, she could tolerate the experience enough to endure it. She also discovered that it was a way to make easy, fast money.

Just when Cupcake thought that her situation might actually work out, Candy explained that she worked for a pimp named Money, and invited Cupcake to come back to his house with her. Cupcake met the man after he came out of the bath, and she immediately noticed his dashing appearance. Money wasted little time in telling Cupcake that she would have no choice but to work for him or be killed, adding that all her earnings would go to him. Cupcake hated that idea, so she decided to run again.

Cupcake was cold, tired, and hungry as she left Candy and Money and found the highway. Sitting down on a tree stump, unsure what to do or where to go, a police car drove up. The police officer asked Cupcake direct questions, which she answered, but she didn’t reveal anything he didn’t ask, like whether she had been abused or run away. She gave the officer Diane’s name, and he took her back to the foster home, where he stopped to ensure that Cupcake was okay. Unable to speak up out of fear, Cupcake told the police officer that she was fine, and he left.

Afterward, Diane’s abuse calmed down for a few days, and Pete left for the army, but Diane soon doubled down. She and Connie tried to trick Cupcake into eating raw chicken, began beating the children with a bull whip, and constantly threatened and insulted them. Cupcake felt alone and in need of the love and guidance of her mother, or anyone who could provide it, and she found none of that with Diane. Still, she refused to show that she was in pain.

When Diane came up to Cupcake one afternoon and told her she would never amount to anything because she didn’t have a mother anymore, Cupcake decided that she had to leave forever. She slowly planned her escape, enrolled in school, and made friends with other kids who were using drugs and alcohol to escape their difficult lives. Talking to them allowed her to figure out, to some extent, that she could hitchhike to get out of town, and she also learned from her friend group how to commit petty thefts. Eventually, this time with a jacket, Cupcake left Diane’s house, walking out onto the main road to hitchhike.

A man named Bob picked her up and gave her some cannabis and alcohol, which Cupcake was grateful to receive. When Bob suggested paying her for sex, Cupcake realized it wasn’t something she ever considered doing again, but she didn’t know what other choice she had. She agreed, and afterward she began to realize that she could use this as a means to support her steadily increasing use of drugs and alcohol, as well as to feed herself. She learned, too, that booze and drugs made sex work more tolerable, and her life more tolerable in general.

Cupcake was dropped off in Thousand Oaks, further away from San Diego than she began. Being away from Diane, it finally occurred to Cupcake to call her Uncle Jr., so she found a payphone. After crying for several minutes, Cupcake told Jr. enough about her situation to inspire him to send her some money for a bus ticket to San Diego. She had to wait three days for the money and fight with the Western Union worker to get it, but Cupcake got on a bus and headed for home.

Uncle Jr. picked up Cupcake and took her to her great aunt Pam’s house. There, she was bathed and fed, only to be taken away by social services hours later and sent to a temporary facility for children without homes. Cupcake enjoyed being there, as she made friends and was taken care of; but because it was only temporary, she was soon sent back into foster care.

She lived with a couple named Mr. and Mrs. Bassinet and their children. Although they, too, were abusive, it was not nearly as bad as Cupcake’s time at Diane’s, so Cupcake felt she could tolerate it. When Cupcake asked if she could join cheerleading, Mrs. Bassinet objected, but her husband spoke up in Cupcake’s favor. Cupcake smiled for the first time in months and looked forward to cheerleading.

When the day came, however, Mr. Bassinet parked his van in a parking lot and told Cupcake to join him in the back seat. He gave her a tablet of LSD and told her to perform oral sex on him. Cupcake was only 12 years old and hardly knew what that was, but after he punched her and explained, she did as she was told. Every “cheerleading practice” turned into one of these visits, and Cupcake was given alcohol, LSD, cocaine, and cigarettes to entice her into silence. When Mrs. Bassinet found out what had been going on, she immediately ordered Cupcake out of the house, angrier than Cupcake had ever seen her. Mr. Bassinet said nothing as Cupcake was led out of the house by the police and taken back to the children’s facility.

Cupcake started to realize that nobody cared about what was happening to her. She was sent to a psychiatrist, who doubted her stories of abuse, and Mr. Burns then ordered her sent back to Diane’s. While there, Cupcake discovered that the fridge was now locked and Diane was demanding everyone call her “Momma.” Connie would often break into the children’s rooms at night and put matches between their toes and light them, laughing as they screamed in pain.

When Cupcake was at school one day (which, at this point, was rare), a nurse called her in for a routine health check and noticed welts on her back. Cupcake admitted it was Diane who did it, and Cupcake was taken out of Diane’s home while the situation was investigated. After spending a month in a tolerable and quiet home, Cupcake was told that there was nowhere else for her to go, and she was sent back to Diane’s again. She became convinced at this point that the foster system didn’t care about her or children in general, so Cupcake escaped through the window the moment she arrived back at Diane’s.

Cupcake entered a period where she was caught in a pattern of running away and being returned either to Diane’s or other foster homes. Each time, she would leave again, making money through sex work to stay afloat. She used drugs and alcohol daily at this point, doing whatever was necessary to survive. Cupcake’s brother, Larry, fell into a similar pattern, but Cupcake never saw her brother again.