A Monster Calls

Conor’s refusal to tell anyone about his nightmare is rooted in the guilt that he feels about letting his mother go. Conor believes that “What happened in the nightmare was something no one else ever needed to know” (2), and Ness explores how these feelings of shame further isolate Conor from others and exacerbate his already difficult grieving process.

As much as Conor tries to keep the secret of the nightmare under wraps, the shame he feels begins to manifest in other areas of Conor’s life. Ness uses this nightmare and Conor’s subsequent behavior to show that even when a person thinks their secrets are hidden successfully, their true feelings will start to impact other areas of their life, including their own self-esteem. Even though no one knows about the nightmare, Conor behaves as if they do: he seeks punishment for his actions in the nightmare, rather than sharing them so he can better understand them. Conor finds the punishment he seeks in his bully, Harry, and Harry starts to figure out that “Conor O’Malley [...] wants to be punished [...] needs to be punished” (152). Through the bully Harry, Ness explores a painful dynamic in which Conor’s bully understands his feelings better than the people who love Conor, and Harry uses his knowledge of Conor’s feelings to make Conor feel further shame and anguish. Harry taunts Conor, asking him “What secrets do you hide that are so terrible?” (152), a sentiment that reconfirms for Conor that he deserves to be punished, instead of helping Conor understand that his feelings are not bad or at all reprehensible. As soon as Harry discovers that Conor wants to be punished, he withdraws even this punishment, which further upsets Conor and evinces that what Conor truly needed was to acknowledge and understand his feelings, not punitive action.

When the truth of Conor’s nightmare is revealed, his words of truth set the entire nightmare forest ablaze, and Conor expects that the truth will burn him up with everything else. He feels “relief, because it was, at last, the punishment he deserved” (188). Conor’s shame is so powerful that it has now evolved to thoughts of self-harm. He truly believes that because he let go of his mother’s hands in his nightmare, he “[deserves] the worst” (189). Ness uses this moment to show that unchecked shame and repressed guilt can lead to highly destructive or inaccurate ideas, and to demonstrate how shame can make it even more difficult for a person to seek out the help that they need. Through Conor’s ultimate reconciliation with his grief and ability to forgive himself after he confronts and understands his feelings, Ness also demonstrates how shame can be dissipated by love, honesty, and acceptance.

Conor’s grief process is messy, but still follows a basic formula that has been widely referenced by psychologists and grief counselors: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. Ness uses A Monster Calls to explore the theme that although grief is an ugly, painful, and often uncontrollable process, it is necessary to experience some uncomfortable or undesirable feelings in order for a person to be able to move on. Although Conor’s mother has been wrestling with her illness for over a year, the story begins when her health has taken a turn for the worse and she is near the end of her life. Conor’s grief process as observed in A Monster Calls is triggered by a subconscious understanding that his mother is losing her fight, and nothing can be done to stop her imminent death. Thus, the grieving process begins, and Conor struggles to cope with his feelings of denial and anger.

Although Conor goes through a wide range of emotions, the one most often observed by his family and classmates is anger. Conor’s anger is a focal point of the story, especially as it worsens from the destruction of property to the harm of another person. The behaviors begin in small ways: he snaps at his grandmother, tells Lily to leave him alone, and even “[feels] as if he could grab hold of the very air and twist it around Lily and rip her right in two” (67). The anger is always situated around feelings of hurt, fear, or helplessness, and when Conor destroys Grandma’s sitting room, he feels instantaneous fear and shame for what he has done. He thinks about how “not even his father would take him now when he found out what he had done. They’d never allow a boy who could do all this to go and live in a house with a baby” (116). Conor knows he has shown a side of himself that he didn’t believe he had in him, and it frightens him to think he could have done this. Counterintuitively, the anger that Conor expresses out of a desperation to feel more in control results in even worse feelings of powerlessness, shame, and frustration.

However, the very next morning, Conor’s father tells him not to worry about his outburst. Conor won’t be punished, because “What could possibly be the point?” (124). After Conor attacks Harry, the headmistress says the same thing: there would be no point in punishing Conor for something that he did while grieving. The adults in Conor’s life may be hurt by his moments of anger, but they all understand that anger is a part of the process, and Conor is not in control of himself during these moments. Additionally, Conor is well aware of how his actions have harmed others, so punishment intended to make him reflect on this point are moot. Through the adult reactions to Conor’s difficulty coping with his feelings of anger, Ness explores how grief can be expressed irrationally. Although Conor struggles to forgive himself for the damage to Grandma’s room or the harm done to Harry, Ness suggests a distinction between the actions Conor takes and the feelings that inspired them. Similarly, the monster that personifies Conor’s grief has dual tendencies toward violence and protection; it carries the supposedly evil queen to safety and destroys the Parson’s house. Although Ness does not condone or encourage destructive or violent actions as an expression of grief, he does indicate that feeling and expressing anger healthily—such as when Conor and his mother admit that they both feel anger over her early death—is a necessary part of healing.