A Mango-Shaped Space

Mia is devastated by Mango’s death. Her dad takes her back into the house. She cannot see any of her colors and remarks that “the last color [she] remember[s] seeing is the orange from Mango’s wheezes when [she] held him” (207). She feels like she has lost everything. Mia goes back to bed and misses the second day of the synesthesia meeting. Later, Adam calls her, but she does not want to talk to him. Her parents try to get her to eat something, but she refuses. Zack asks Mia to join him in Beth’s room. Beth has lit candles and tells Mia that they are having a healing circle. Zack and Beth say that they understand how Mia feels. Mia disagrees and says that they “have no idea at all what [she is] going through” (210). She believes that it is her fault that Mango died because she should have brought him inside sooner. She runs back to her room, distraught. 

Mia’s mother tells her that Jenna has called her. She reminds Mia that it is Jenna’s birthday today and that her party is starting soon. Mia picks up the phone, but before she can tell Jenna what has happened, Jenna accuses her of deliberately being late for the party. She says that Mia thinks that the other synesthetes are more important than her and asks if she even bothered to wear their friendship bracelet to the meeting. When Mia does not respond, Jenna tells Mia not to bother coming to the party. She hangs up. 

Mia’s mother asks her why she did not tell Jenna what happened, and Mia says that Jenna did not give her the chance. Her mother again begs her to eat something. Mia tries to eat some cheese and crackers, but they taste “like wet cardboard” (213) and she has to spit them out in the sink. At the sink, Mia realizes that Mango’s food bowls are not where they usually are. Her mother explains that her dad thought it would be best to get rid of them. Mia is very upset to hear this and runs out to the woodshed to see Mango’s body. She breaks down crying again. Her mother tries to comfort her, but Mia insists that it is her fault that Mango died. She tells her mother that her colors are gone. Her mother reminds her that grief or trauma can make her colors go away temporarily but that she will get them back eventually. Mia says that she deserves to lose her colors forever.

Mia’s father tells her that they are all planning a memorial service for Mango the next day. Mia refuses to go. The next day, Zack tries to convince Mia to come to the memorial, but again, she refuses. She watches her family lower the crate with Mango’s body into the ground and then runs out to join them. She asks her father to put Mango’s favorite toy in the crate with him, then rushes back inside. Overwhelmed, Mia feels like she needs to get out of the house. She runs to the cemetery to visit her grandfather’s gravestone. She realizes that having Mango meant that she never really mourned her grandfather when he died, because she saw Mango as a part of her grandfather’s soul. Losing Mango has made her grandfather’s death feel different: “sadder and definitely more final” (217). 

Jenna, along with two other friends, Kimberly and Molly, find Mia at her grandfather’s headstone. Jenna says that Mia’s mother called that morning to explain what happened. They all say how sorry they are about Mango, and Jenna apologizes profusely for being “horrible on the phone last night” (218). Mia and Jenna make up, and Jenna tells Mia that her father broke up with Rebecca. In an attempt to make Mia feel better, Jenna tells Mia that she knows how she feels. Mia is not comforted by this and tells Jenna that she actually does not understand. Jenna is upset and asks how Mia can say such a thing, and Mia protests that Jenna did not kill her mother. She runs into the woods, away from her friends.

That night, Mia’s mother calls a family meeting. She and Mia’s father discuss the “misconceptions…floating around [the] house” (220) and clarify that no one killed Mango. Zack and Mia argue, each insisting that it is their fault that Mango died, until their father steps in. He says that Mango “didn’t die to teach any of [them] a lesson” and that they should all “be thankful that [they] were able to give Mango such a wonderful life and that he gave [them] so much love in return” (221). 

Mia is still too upset on Monday morning to go to school, and her parents let her stay home. She gets an email from Adam saying that he heard about her cat dying but thinks that she still should have come to the second day of the meeting. He says that he does not really like cats because he is allergic. The email upsets Mia, and she decides that Adam is “pretty much a jerk” (223). She regrets kissing him. On Tuesday, Mia’s parents make her go to school. Jenna is waiting for her at the bus stop. She gives Mia a gold bracelet that matches one that she is wearing. The bracelets were a birthday present that year from her mom as a replacement for the old, frayed friendship bracelets. The two friends cry together. 

During gym class, Mia tells Roger that her cat died. He says that he is sorry to hear this and that he knows how she feels. Mia realizes that he actually does know how she feels, as his dog was recently euthanized. It is the first time that either of them acknowledges their meeting in the vet’s office. Mia remarks that Roger is the only person who has not asked her about the color of his name. Roger admits that this is because he is color-blind. That evening, Jerry calls to see how Mia is doing. She asks him why her colors have not come back yet, and he explains that doing something creative, like painting, might make her feel better and help her colors to return. Mia finds the painting that she did of her grandfather and realizes that something looks different. Her grandfather now has a contented look in his eyes. She reflects that Mango was her grandfather’s “parting gift to [her]” and hopes that now “they’re together in heaven with Grams”(231). 

On Saturday morning, the doorbell rings. Mia is surprised to find Billy Henkle and his mother waiting for her. Mrs. Henkle found out where Mia lives through her daughter, the blonde girl who was rude to Mia about her colors. Mrs. Henkle says that Billy cannot stop talking about his colors and asks Mia what she should do. She is worried because Billy’s kindergarten teacher “is talking about putting him in a special class next year” (233). She believes that Billy might have a disease, but Zack clarifies that synesthesia is actually a gift. Mia tells Mrs. Henkle not to worry and explains to her about synesthesia. As she describes what color Billy’s name is, she realizes that her colors have come back. Mia’s mother gives Mrs. Henkle Jerry’s number. 

After Billy and Mrs. Henkle leave, Mia’s mother tells her that she is proud of her for helping Billy and his mother understand his condition. She has realized that someone in their family did have synesthesia after all: Mia’s grandmother. Mia is shocked by this discovery but happy to have someone else in the family who is like her, even though her grandmother has been dead for many years. 

Later, Mia’s mother says that the whole family has been invited to a Hanukkah party at the home of the Roths, the only Jewish family in town. They all go over and play Hanukkah games. Jenna and her dad are there as well. Mia and Jenna make their final amends and plan a fun mission. Zack shows Mia the Roths’s cat, Twinkles, who has just had kittens. One of them, the smallest one, looks just like Mango when he was a kitten; they suspect that Mango fathered the litter. 

Zack tells Mr. Roth that they want to take the smallest kitten when he is old enough to leave his mother. Mia is dubious at first, saying that she does not want to replace Mango. The small kitten lets out a mustard-colored meow. Mia thinks about how ridiculous it would be to call a cat Mustard. That night, Mia has a dream that she and Zack are at a county fair. In the dream, they are eating hot dogs with mustard, and when she wakes up, she “can still taste the mustard on [her] tongue” (243). She realizes that she knows what the dream means.